Mikaela Lefrak
Ruth Tam
Tourist attractions—remember those?
With both Washingtonians and tourists staying at home to prevent the spread of coronavirus, some of D.C.’s best-known landmarks are going largely unvisited.
To remind you of what you’re not missing at the National Mall, we’ve pulled together the Internet’s grouchiest comments about D.C.’s most famous landmarks. All of these pretend postcards feature real quotes from one-star Yelp reviews.
Thanks to the folks at Far & Wide for the idea—their National Park posters featuring bad reviews are so spit-through-your-teeth funny that we just had to try to one-up them.
The Washington Monument
Who needs it?
“I couldn’t escape the glaring stare of this ugly monstrosity,” a Yelp reviewer wrote. Stupid obelisk.
Lincoln Memorial
Ugh.
That jerk Lincoln probably spilled the coffee and hot chocolate on purpose, just to bug us. Thanks for literally nothing, Lincoln.
Jefferson Memorial
Hate it so much.
“Totally unnecessary monument,” Amanda A. concluded in her one-star review of this national disaster.
National Zoo
Rhymes with poo.
Another reviewer complained that “there is no number to call to see if the otters are working.” In short: Otters are slackers, monkeys are demons, and zoos are just dumb.
White House
Tacky.
Again with the non-working phone numbers! Get it together, Washington.
U.S. Capitol
Hi you are trash.
Don’t let the fancy exterior of this giant restaurant fool you: All its laws are overcooked and the customers all look like your dad.
Library Of Congress
I can’t even.
“lol this place sucks,” another reviewer concluded. Well said.
Rock Creek Park Horse Center
Even horse girls hate you.
Rock Creek is the oldest natural urban park in the National Park System, its horse center allows city kids to experience the magic of horses, and it’s also the absolute worst.
U.S. Botanic Garden
A waking nightmare.
“None of the plants amazed me,” wrote another reviewer. Botanic Garden, that’s on you.
Tidal Basin
So bad.
The Tidal Basin: Refilled daily with children’s tears.
Perhaps now that we’re all encouraged to stay indoors, these haters will find these sites more appealing. Then again, maybe not.
Enjoy these postcards? Let us know by sharing them with your friends, and then maybe our bosses will let us make more. There are so many Washington museums, monuments and landmarks just waiting to be trashed. This story originally appeared on WAMU.
