Assrockers have a simple goal: to rock asses. The D.C. quintet plays half-joking hard rock, with songs about Julius Caesar, the Battle of Hastings, and hot moms. They’ve been around since 2001, playing with various line-ups complete with leather pants and ridiculous assumed names. The band’s genius is in its live shows, which are loud and funny, but still appeal to anyone who likes to rock. Assrockers had a bit of a hiatus for the…

It’s been a while since we did one of these, but our music news feature is back! Here are a few stories buzzing around the local music sphere. >> Rob Curtis has left the Velvet Lounge. The most well-respected sound guy in the city has parted ways with the club, which recently came under new ownership. If you’re not familiar with Curtis or the Velvet Lounge’s superior sound system (which he developed), just take a…