Okay, let’s just get this out of the way up top: San Juan Jabloteh features a player named Elton John. It’s kind of difficult to take that seriously, even for a sport where guys named Banana score goals and participants sport these kinds of hairstyles in a tournament watched by a billion people. United’s opponents last night at a sparsely attended CONCACAF Champions League match, though, were more tiny dancer than rocket man. It was…

Garrett Mock tried to atone for his poor pitching performance by stretching this single into a double. It didn’t work. (AP Photo/Matt Slocum) Phillies 5, Nationals 0: It always seems like the teams who succeed in the playoffs have two big time starters. Well, the defending champs have a whole bunch of candidates in their rotation for that 1-2 punch — but Cliff Lee certainly made his case to be the number one guy…

Adam Dunn is congratulated by Cristian Guzman, right, and a batboy after putting the Nats into the lead last night. (AP Photo/Haraz N. Ghanbari) Nationals 6, Marlins 4: Remember what we said about big innings? Well, the Nationals sure got one last night — a six-run explosion in the bottom of the eighth which led them to their first win of the season against the Marlins. Adam Dunn put the exclamation point on the…

On the surface, there wasn’t much separating D.C. United and the Chicago Fire heading into their match at RFK Stadium last night. Both teams had scored and allowed the exact same number of goals — 20 for, 17 against. Both held large margins in the way they score, namely, from the run of play — United had scored 70% of goals in open play, the Fire, 65%. United had not lost at home, while Chicago…

Photo by Kyle GustafsonIt’s been a fairly frustrating offseason for United fans, at least from a personnel standpoint. First, there were the rumors that the front office may have turned down the chance to sign Ghanaian national captain Stephen Appiah, now on trial at Tottenham Hotspur. Then there was the loss of playmaker Marcelo Gallardo, who broke from the team in order to return home and play in Argentina. More recently, the team lost…

D.C. United’s MLS season is on the line tonight at RFK Stadium (7:30 p.m.). After a dominant regular season that saw United go 10-2-3 at home, they return to RFK for possibly the last time this season. Standing in their way is their playoff nemesis, the Chicago Fire. In 5 total playoff games against the Fire, D.C. has yet to score a goal. United will need to find net if they wish to move on…

D.C. United played out a relatively dull and featureless 0-0 draw with the Chicago Fire on Saturday night, but the real celebrations would come on Sunday night. The Colorado Rapids scored in the final minutes to pull out an upset over Chivas USA, 2-1, making D.C. United the first team to ever successfully defend the Supporters’ Shield. It probably wasn’t the stylish way United will have wanted to take the regular season crown, but with…

Despite having to fend off a persistent Chivas Guadalajara attack for most of the game and playing a man down for 50 minutes, United pulled out a 2-1 victory in the first leg of the Copa Nissan Sudamericana home-and-home series. From the get-go the Goats took advantage of quick, incisive passing to carve through the United midfield. Four times in the opening 16 minutes Chivas attackers had a clear line to the goal, yet…

Sunday afternoon D.C. United went toe-to-toe with the New England Revolution in a battle for supremacy of the Eastern Conference, and arguably the entire MLS. The match did not disappoint. It was a competitive affair in which each side took turns playing from behind before United dealt the knockout blow and cruised to victory. By most standards, it was a fantastic match. Flash forward to last night. D.C. United is facing a Real Salt…

Yesterday afternoon’s contest between D.C. United and the New England Revolution carried several levels of significance. With six games remaining for United and most of MLS, teams are becoming increasingly desperate to capture the three point bounty of each remaining game in the scramble for playoff spots. The Revolution came into RFK Stadium as the toughest foe remaining on United’s schedule. The game constituted the last time United would face a sure-fire playoff team….