If you want a chance to replicate your best memories of long nights spent boozing at the Hawk ‘n’ Dove at home, you’ve got 15 minutes to mosey on over to the online auction and pick up your favorite piece of Stuart Long’s legacy. Go, go, go!

This weekend is your last chance to pull up a well-worn barstool at a Capitol Hill institution: the Hawk ‘n’ Dove will close on Sunday.

Whereas the sale of memorabilia from the fire-damaged Tune Inn was more drunken celebratory community swap meet than commercial venture, a similar auction of items from the neighboring Hawk ‘n’ Dove is shaping up to be a far more sterilized experience.

The short-term booze outlook along Pennsylvania Avenue SE keeps getting darker, at least in the short term: Hill Rag brings news that Capitol Hill institution Hawk ‘n’ Dove will close down this fall, bringing an end to Stuart Long’s 44 years of ownership.

David Ferriero has been named the new Archivist of the National Archives, the tenth such figure to hold the position. As such, he must regularly square off against Nicolas Cage, keep an eye out for Tom Hanks, and stay abreast of Ben Stiller’s whereabouts. This sure is the most horrifying story I’ve read in ages. The macaron is the new cupcake. If Metrocurean says so, I will believe it. Then I will continue to…