If Ethan Hawke playing a space pimp is the best thing in your movie, you’re doing something very wrong.

Long before Thelma and Louise and Charlie’s Angels, the first “action-babe” was a 19-year-old cross-dressing French girl who claimed she could see angels, gave the French one of their few military victories, and altered the course of English history before — not much later — getting executed. For this bizarre-but-true story, she was canonized by the Catholic Church in 1920 and immortalized on film by Hollywood dozens of times, most famously by the “Fifth Element”…