Welcome the slow news days of summer.

Lee Boyd Malvo, who is serving a life sentence for his part in a string of sniper-rifle killings that traumatized the Washington area for three weeks in October 2002, said that he was sexually abused by his accomplice, John Allen Muhammed.

The Secret Service agents who dragged the agency into a pit of scandal after soliciting prostitutes while in Colombia were body-obsessed “stupid brutes,” according to the sex worker at the heart of the story.