July, especially the stiflingly humid July we’ve been sweltering through lately, is an ideal time for a scoop or two with a friend or loved one (although sharing some ice cream may be the perfect way to patch things up with a mortal enemy as well). Washington is host to many an ice cream parlor, so the decision of which one to patronize can often be a daunting one. Your hard earned money is just that, and shouldn’t be squandered on an inferior cup or cone. It has caused this DCist great frustration and perturbation to see innocent, unsuspecting Washingtonians (and our piteous, clueless benefactors, The Tourists) walk into an establishment that seems to possess an inexplicable attraction to passersby. Anyone that frequents the Cleveland Park area, especially during the evening, will notice that Cold Stone Creamery is always packed. It could be its relative newness on the ice cream scene; the allure of novelty. You might be tempted to take its popularity as a culinary cachet, but it has been our experience that the ice cream falls short of expectations formed by such crowds.
Cold Stone subscribes to a contemporary ice cream trend of using half-melted ice cream and a glut of toppings, mashed up into a bouillabaisse of flavors and ingredients, or as they call it on their website, a “Cold Stone Creation:”
.. Our freshly made, smooth and creamy ice cream blended with mix-ins of nuts, fruits and candy to artistic perfection — and most importantly to your own exact specifications — on a frozen stone. All served up in the entertaining environment of your local Cold Stone Creamery. Say good-bye to frozen predictability and hello to a whole new way to experience dessert.
Yes folks, this isn’t the plebeian frozen dessert your humble tongues are used to, this is artistic perfection. The artistry extends beyond the ice cream, into employee theatrics. Every time a customer donates to the tip jar, every Cold Stone employee must burst into song, regaling those in line with Cold Stone versions of popular tunes, such as “I’ve Been Workin’ on the Cold Stone.” While this policy is in place to give customers an incentive to tip, this DCist finds it more of a deterrent than anything; the compulsory minimum-wage crooning is more heartbreaking than amusing.
