Written by DCist contributor Matt Bourque.

Agent Zero strikes back. In response to this week’s reports regarding his Saturday night arrest, Gilbert Arenas is disputing the circumstances of the incident and the suddenly infamous quote attributed to him.

Arenas was quoted as telling the arresting officer, “You can’t arrest me. I’m a basketball player. I play for the Washington Wizards and I’m not going to leave my teammate,” but he has vehemently denied making such comments, explaining:

Everyone knows me. They know I don’t have a cocky personality. I don’t use my name to get in trouble and I don’t use my name to get out of trouble. That would never come out of my mouth.

Though the police report claims that Arenas tried to impede the arrest of teammate Awvee Storey, he also contests this allegation. He asserts that he was simply trying to ask the officer where he could bail out Storey, whereupon another officer cuffed him from behind. According to Arenas, an interrogation of sorts followed.

The officer supposedly asked Arenas if he had any tattoos. Despite risking being charged with Approaching an Officer While Tattooed, Arenas truthfully answered, “Yes, three.” He was then asked to reveal his “street name.” In a moment of hilarious inspiration, Arenas evoked a new alter ago (no, not Harry Potter): “Zero Hero.” While laughing justifiably at the ridiculousness of the situation, the officer pulled the “oh, you think that’s funny, don’t you?” routine and took him into custody.

Michael Wilbon, for one, believes Gilbert’s account of the arrest. We tend to go with the insightful Wilbon on this one. We’re sorry, Gilbert, no hard feelings, ‘mkay?