In D.C.’s own rendition of manifest destiny, our suburbs seem to be expanding with all the vigor of well-watered kudzu. It’s how DCist imagines the old horror standard The Blob, if it were retold by John Cheever: the mucilaginous mass slowly gorges on pastoral countryside, dusty antique shops, and quaint Main Streets, leaving only Bed, Bath, and Beyond in its wake.

While taking a look at the political implications of these population shifts, the Post might have also stumbled upon the solution to the Great Virginia Schism between NoVa and SoVa (it also gives us one of the best dictionary entries of the year):

“You drive along [Route] 28 in Fairfax and Loudoun and you tell me what county you’re in,” he said. “There’s no distinction. Loudoun and Prince William have been Fairfaxed.”

In one of our favorite recent DCist memes, we’ve taken the widening economic and political differences between upstate and downstate to advocate for the secession of Northern Virginia from the rest of the state. Perhaps the growth of the northern ‘burbs makes that unnecessary; perhaps NoVa could simply “Fairfax” the rest of the state.

Before you leave your comments, consider that this might not be as absurd as it sounds. Just a few months ago, the Post essentially described Richmond-area Caroline and King William counties as the newest Washington suburbs. In that article, Brent Heppner, a Marine Corps pilot living in Caroline, more or less came right out and asked to be Fairfaxed:

“Is Richmond part of Northern Virginia? Maybe the question is not what we think we are, but what do we want to be?”

Be careful what you wish for…