If you work on the Hill, this week may not be the week to indulge your craving for Subway. From an on-the-ground source, we’ve gotten some bad news about the Subway franchise closest to the Capitol and its many young, hungry, and impoverished staffers:

By the way, don’t go to the subway on 1st St SE. Not that you were planning to, but apparently there was mad food poisoning there this week that caused a bunch of hill staffers some stomach problems. which would be stating it mildly. their terms are much more crude. as i am a lady, i will not repeat them here.

Our source reports that the offending ingredient struck regardless of sub choice, and the Department of Health confirmed to us that they sent an epidemiologist to investigate. On the plus side — and this is a direct quote from our source — “One girl lost so much weight she can now fit into pants she hasn’t been able to wear in ages. Thanks Jared!”