With its upper floors now dedicated to live entertainment – in the former Erico Café – we thought we might be able to dine downstairs at Café Nema in peace, away from the bustle. We were wrong. Before the expansion, you got food and great jazz at Nema, but you also had to fight for tables, play musical chairs to get your party seated together and step over an amp to get to the restroom.

Despite the added space, not much has changed. We phoned ahead to make sure the night’s festivities wouldn’t interfere with our meal, and then foolishly headed over for a quiet dinner. There’s still a smattering of tables smushed against the wall, and we still had to wade through the narrow walkway between the tables and the bar to get around. Once seated, we were practically in our neighbors’ laps, listening in as they bemoaned D.C.’s real estate market. Then came the announcement that “Tickle Me Tuesdays” amateur comedy night was moved downstairs to the dining room, OUR dining room, due to an electrical problem upstairs. We were in for 90 minutes of bad jokes that we did not order.

The meal began on a spicy note with a ground beef sambousa appetizer – the Somali counterpart to samosas, sans potatoes. For our entree, we got curious about the $12 lamb. “What cut of lamb is it?” we asked, suspecting that, at that price, it couldn’t be a very good one. Our waiter told us to expect a steak that comes with a choice of Somali (basmati) rice or pasta, as in full-on linguine with tomato sauce. (We’ll give Nema the benefit of the doubt that the pasta option was a relic from Somalia’s colonial past under Italian rule.)

Instead, we ended up with an herb-flavored bathmat that required a Karrine Steffans-level of jaw stamina to ingest. Sadly, we couldn’t even take comfort in the pittance of sautéed spinach they slid us on the side. We’re not sure why they were so stingy with the greens. Maybe they hoped we wouldn’t notice under the blanket of darkness that enveloped our table. Seriously, if you serve food that requires use of a steak knife, spring for a couple of votives so no one gets hurt.

Not to be complete haters, let’s be clear that we like Nema for hanging out and catching live music, when that’s our intention, and we appreciate the “Norm!” feel of the place. But between the obtrusive entertainment, the Rubbermaid lamb, and being interrupted every 10 minutes by someone wanting to take our spare chair, we have to write off Nema for any kind of serious dining.

Café Nema
1334 U Street NW
(202) 667-3215