Run for your lives, Washington. Rats have taken over our fair city, and there is no hope of escaping their evil, rat-like ways. We shall flee to the suburbs and their clean, plastic, rat-free lifestyle. But wait! Inside Edition, long-time bastion of quality broadcast news, is here to save us. Thank God for href=”http://www.insideedition.com”>Inside Edition’s Rat Patrol.

Let me start out by saying that Inside Edition is possibly the greatest news show on television. Not only do they get the news to you early—4:30!—but they bring us the stories that matter. Waiting for their story on D.C.’s rat problem, I was treated to not only coverage of Anna Nicole’s baby’s paternity suit and the sad end to an American Idol fan’s 16-day hunger strike over Sanjaya, but they also brought me news of a woman who ate dog food in an attempt to get her dog to eat some, and ended up poisoned! I’m thankful that story came on when I was halfway through opening a can of “rice and liver bits;” crisis averted. What would we do if Inside Edition wasn’t here to tell us not to put Alpo in our mouths?

What brought me to this glorious program in the first place yesterday was its promise of some hot rat action, and boy did it deliver. Matt Meagher and his team of reporters hit the streets of Washington on their beat, the Rat Patrol, and they found rats and mice everywhere! Capitol Hill, “trendy Adams Morgan,” even the “posh streets” of Georgetown. They found rats in the streets, crawling under cars, and fighting for food. “They’re even dancing in the alleyways!” Meagher exclaimed with all the excitement of watching Heather Mills perform fake-legged acrobatics, which, coincidentally, was a story that preceded this one.