Bai Yun, the San Diego Zoo’s female panda, just thinks she’s soooooo great, doesn’t she. She’s been popping out babies left and right over the last few years, already having had four to our own Mei Xiang’s one, and then just to pour salt in the wound, she had to go and have a fifth one yesterday. Well la-di-dah, San Diego. Aren’t you friggin’ special.

But kindly note that your zookeepers don’t seem to have come up with a better size comparison for the newborn panda cub than a stick of butter. Not very original. Hopefully we don’t even need to ask, in your infinite panda breeding superiority, to kindly not horn in on our nickname. We have but one child panda upon which to place all our hopes and dreams, so please, pretty please, leave us the name. With so many pseudo-pregnancies already behind us, it’s all we may have left.