Polo: one of the District’s finest traditions.

Nothing can beat the recap that Davy DCist put together for the first episode of the Real Housewives of D.C. last week. Davy couldn’t stomach watching the show again, so we’ve adapted our patented Real World bullet points to fulfill our obligation to cover every reality show in this town. (Except D.C. Cupcakes. We’ve got some standards.)

If you didn’t catch the show last week, here is what you missed: a lot of drinking, 85 Barack Obama references (and a few Bidens, for good measure), almost the whole cast making fun of Michaele Salahi, and some back story on each of the housewives.

Cat: British, new to D.C. Married to a White House photographer. Says Obama is not as classy as George W. Bush.
Stacie: The only African-American housewife. Lives in the District. Sells Real Estate. Has two really cute kids. Thinks if you don’t live in the city you can’t claim to be from Washington. Not a fan of Cat.
Mary: Lives in McLean. Calls herself a life-long Washingtonian. Has five kids, and a lock on her closet door that only opens by the touch of her fingerprint. Claims to have hung out with the Kennedys as a kid.
Lynda: Owns T.H.E., a modeling agency. Married and divorced twice, has several teenage children and a much younger boyfriend named Ebong. Doesn’t like Michaele, and thinks she needs to eat a cheeseburger.
Michaele: Much thinner, much blonder version of Jay Leno. Sounds like Krusty the Clown. Owns a Virginia winery with husband Tareq. You know the rest.
Paul: Celebrity Stylist that fancies himself an honorary housewife. Looks like a prettier version of Tyra Banks. Seems like the most interesting character. Has awesome hair.

There’s no turning back at this point. Our week two recap, after the jump.