Photo by Maryland Route 5.You’ve all seen the story about two people who were sent to the hospital this morning after getting into a fight at a 7-Eleven in Alexandria, right? As TBD reports, two men engaged in a physical altercation after the store manager objected to a customer’s use of the 7-Eleven’s ketchup on food that was not purchased at the convenience store.
Really? Ketchup, that most boring of condiments? This goes so much deeper than just a simple issue of two people snapping and sending each other to the hospital with busted lips — it’s really a case of misguided principles. For instance, here are a list of condiments that I might have bought as reasons to start a fistfight:
- Sriracha
- A-1 Steak Sauce
- Wasabi (if it counts as a condiment, that is)
- The last packet of duck sauce after picking up Chinese takeout at 2 a.m.
- Salsa
- Hershey’s Syrup
- Sour cream (if the situation involves a baked potato)
- Apple sauce
- and Relish, maybe, I guess if the squabble was taking place at a baseball stadium.
But ketchup? No way, man. That just plain isn’t worth fighting over. Plus it’s 7-Eleven ketchup, which you know is just that generic catsup dressed up in a plastic sqeeze-suit of lies.
