Photo by Bill Adler.

Us grouchy Washingtonians always complain about tourists not standing to the right on the Metro, stopping in front of escalators, asking dumb questions, filling up downtown food courts and more. But sometimes they can be really helpful.

Overheard of the Week

Late Saturday night, near the the Library of Congress fountains:

A young boy runs ahead of his family, scrambling onto a low stone wall lining the sidewalk. As the family and other pedestrians approach, he calls out in careful diction, “Please do not come by here….I just farted!”

More below, including: talking to mom, intern season and pet stores.

Keep in mind that Overheard in D.C. relies on you, the reader, to hear the funny stuff and send it in. We also rely on you to tell us who said, when and in what context.

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Don’t we all hate these phone calls with mom?

Wednesday night in Mt. Pleasant around 11 p.m.:

Late 20s something guy on cell phone, looking annoyed: “Mom [long pause]. Mom…I told you. It scabbed over. [pause, then louder] It scabbed over!”

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White House vs. Capitol sort of makes sense. This…

Two tourists standing in front of the bell outside Union Station:

Tourist 1: “I don’t see a crack.”
Tourist 2 (while taking lots of pictures): “Well, I can’t find it either.”

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Dual facepalm

Conversation at a pet store in Rockville:

Customer: “So, do you guys sell or know of any breeders for wolves?”
Clerk: “Wolves…as in those dog things?”
Customer: “Umm…yeah…you know, like the wild dogs you find in Alaska.”
Clerk: “Oh, wait…thats like the Cujo dog?”
Customer: “No, you’re thinking of rottweilers….these are like big dogs.”
Clerk: “Ohhh okay okay, yeah, the wild dog animals…and you want to know if we sell ’em? Hold on, lemme check.”
Customer: “Oh, ok thanks.”
Clerk: “Actually sir, my manager told me its illegal to sell them. Not sure if there are any local breeders either.”

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Yeah, it’s a real mystery

A guy walking down P Street with some friends:

“I don’t know why she was texting me while she was masturbating!”

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Interns: helpful as always

Orange Line, on one of the new cars with bars only down the side:

Intern: “When I got here last summer, I couldn’t reach the bars either. But then I started doing yoga and pilates, and now it’s easy. You should try it!”
Stranger looks confused.

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I think that’s the root of your problem

On the 32 bus to Friendship Heights, late on a Wednesday night:

Woman, probably in her 40s: “That’s why you should get on Facebook. So you could get back at all those people who made fun of you in college.”
Man, also in his 40s: “Are you kidding? I don’t even have time to iron my napkins the way it is.”

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Metro: making people younger and younger get bitter

Leaving the Union Station Metro:

Two kids with their mom at the escalators:
Kid 1: “They’re all broken!”
Kid 2: “Welcome to Union Station!”

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A comment on American serving sizes? Or second-tier courses?

Table of 4 in their early-mid 30s, at VOLT restaurant for a Saturday lunch in Frederick:

Food arrives for the group.

Man [to table]: “So when does the main course get here?”
Woman, in response: “That IS your main course.”
Man: [sits in silence, looking bewildered and sad]

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Please tell us this had just happened

Two girls and a guy are talking at RFD:

Girl to group: “If you throw up on someone’s face, you should apologize.”