Photo by Kevin H.

There are plenty of ways to help someone who’s trying to find their way around Washington, D.C. Some use the monuments, while others try to explain the alphabetical / syllabic / numerical nature of the street grid. (It’s easier than you think, I swear!) But then there are people who insist on using less-than-optimal methods of help visitors get to where they’re going.

Overheard of the Week

A 50-something couple walking on M Street out of Georgetown toward West End:

Man to woman: “If you can see Starbucks, you’re going in the right direction.”

There were three visible Starbucks around them in every direction.

Keep reading for lovers, fighters and terrified little children.

Overheard in D.C. depends on you to send in the funny and weird stuff you hear. But make sure you tell us who said it, where and in what context.

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The recession is killing consumer confidence, isn’t it?

Saturday afternoon, at the Rosslyn McDonalds. A group of mid-20-year-olds standing in line waiting to order:

Guy 1: “Can I really get three $1 four-piece McNuggets? Is that legal?”
Guy 2: “That’s a steal!”

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I wasn’t talking about this cane!

Friday July 1 around 2 p.m. at Columbia and Ontario (near Crumbs and Coffee); older black man speaking on his cell phone using the speaker phone function:

Woman on speaker phone: “Where are you? Do you have your cane with you? You know…”
Man on sidewalk interrupts: “Cane?! You know I don’t use a cane!”
Man hangs up and starts muttering: “Damn woman…always on me.”

Walks away using a cane.

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Yeah, like we’re going to tell you

At the corner of 16th and L NW:

Tourist #1: “I haven’t seen a single gas station anywhere today. Where are their gas stations?”
Tourist #2, exasperated: “Where do they get their gas to drive???”

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Yeah…her

Two security guards at a federal office:

Guard 1: “Who was it?”
Guard 2: “Jeane Dixon!”
Guard 1: “Wait, what?”
Guard 2: “She predicted Kennedy’s assassination, man, among other things.”
Guard 1: “Oh, that Dixon. Gotcha.”

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Smart kid

Mother and daughter on bus:

Daughter: “Tomorrow’s my birthday!”
Mother: “And 9 years ago, I was in some serious labor with you.”
Daughter: “What’s that?”
Mother: “That’s when you were still in my stomach and I was trying to push you out.”
Daughter: “On the bus?”
(everyone sitting within earshot chuckled softly here)
Mother: “Oh no, dear. Definitely not. You did change my life forever that day, though!”

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Just stay off the Green Line, you’ll be fine

On the National Mall:

Tourist mom to two kids: “So how do you feel about that, staying here another two weeks?”
Young girl: “Scared!”

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See, I told you

Two little boys trying to figure out the logos on a Nats flier:

“It’s the Pirates and the… the W… Wuh… Walgreens!”

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To err is human

Sunday before the fourth of July, getting coffee at a cafe in Georgetown. Two friends, a guy and a girl, are talking at the next table. She just finished telling him about another friend who cheated on her fiance on a recent trip to Vegas.

Guy: “Now I avoid girls with boyfriends like the plague, for the most part. I mean, I make mistakes.”

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I’m sure that’ll calm her down

In Dupont Circle, last Friday night. A twenty-something couple is leaving the bar, clearly having been in an argument.

Girl: “Why are you always trying to make trouble with me?”
Guy: “I’m not trying to make trouble with you. I’m trying to make babies with you!”

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Touché

Friday night outside the Queen Vic on H Street NE at 1 a.m. Guy and girl are arguing. Guy rambles on about something.

Girl: “That doesn’t make any sense!”
Guy: “Of course it doesn’t make sense, I’ve been drunk for four hours!”

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I mean, who wouldn’t want a catch like you?

On the sidewalk in front of 51st State:

20-something woman: “I don’t think I’m ever going to get married, but I still want a big party. If I’m not married by 35, I’ll buy a big black dress and invite all of my ex-flames and have a party all about me.”