And just like that, the United States of America will not be defaulting on its debt. (How dare the feds force the D.C. Council to yet again waste their valuable time on such trivial matters!)

Normally, we would have simply suggested that Congress now take up the matter of the 4,000 or so people who are currently on furlough and the $30 million or so in revenue that they’re missing out on every day, but that’s already been pushed back to September. Who can blame them, when there are far more important governmental issues to handle — like how Michelle Obama’s physical fitness campaign is obviously breeding an army of skinny, security-evading little girls or how the Pentagon is planning to turn Facebook into a weapon.