Photo by dorkasaurus_rex.

Have you heard the news? 82 percent of the American public thinks Congress is doing a pretty terrible job right now. 82 percent! Of course, we have to wonder: what kind of an example is such political bickering setting for our young children?

Overheard of the Week

At the YMCA in Virginia Square. A woman talking to her babysitter:

“I don’t want the kids watching the news. If they hear about how Congress is fighting they might think that type of behavior is acceptable.”

Keep reading for terrible jokes, vegetable rage and enough Metro overheards to fill a book. (Okay, almost enough.)

Overheard in D.C. depends on you to send in the funny and weird stuff you hear. But make sure you tell us who said it, where and in what context.

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Just kidding — that’s actually where the aliens crash landed

Two older, male tourists walking by the hole in the ground that used to be the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool.

Man 1: “What’s with all that disturbed earth?”
Man 2: “They’re redoing the National Gardens.”

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“It’s got that what-a-cruel-world-let’s-toss-ourselves-in-the-abyss type ambience.”

Loud 20-something tanorexic girl while getting her hair done at Aveda in Galery Place:

“D.C. is where single girls go to die.”

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The bankrupt have to make sacrifices, after all

At Borders at Bailey’s Crossroads, mid-day Saturday in the middle of the heat wave and the store isn’t running the A/C during the liquidation sale.

Mid-age woman to a lady behind the checkout counter: “Jesus, it’s hot in here. If you want people to buy the books, you really ought to turn on the A/C.”
Cashier deadpans: “Yeah, well, we thought Arlingtonians would go for a bikram bookstore, but apparently that’s not the case.”

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When rider was in Metro land, let my rider go

Friday night, Red Line train trying to leave Metro Center.

Metro operator in big, god-like voice over the speakers: “Release my doors!”

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Nothing’s funnier than torture

A group of four guys at Nats game on Friday night.

Guy 1: “It’s so hot I saw Dick Cheney waterboarding himself in the bathroom.”

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Poser veggies, man

Saturday around 6 p.m., 2 20/30-something guys walking past Potbelly billboard in U Street Metro station.

Guy 1: “The thing I hate about Potbell is they use bullshit lettuce.”

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You just blew my mind

At Yogiberry in Shirlington:

Woman to cashier: “This used to be an ice cream shop. Did it close?”
Cashier giving the woman a quizzical look replies: “Umm…it’s a yogurt shop now.”

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Were they stoned?

On the Orange Line Monday, pulling into the station at L’Enfant. Mom sitting with her son (maybe 4 years old) and her daughter (maybe 7) sitting in the seat in front of them looking back.

Mom pulls son’s shoe off and sniffs his foot.
Mom: “You feet smell like corn chips.”
Daughter: “Let me smell.”
Mom holds up son’s foot, daughter smells.
Daughter: “Yeah, corn chips.”
Son, triumphantly: “I smell like corn chips!”

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Wait…north Jersey, the shore? Be more specific!

Metrobus driver as we got on: “Be careful, it smells like New Jersey on there.”

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Wheeeee

Orange Line to New Carrollton, right after morning rush hour on August 3:

Boy, about 7 years old, to his father: “It’s just like a ride a Hershey Park! It starts and stops and starts and stops. Right?”

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I believe we call this “rock bottom”

Two down-and-out-looking middle age guys, smoking and talking at a bus stop at U and 14th Streets on Tuesday at 6:45 p.m.:

“I’m going back for holy communion on Sunday. They serve real wine at that church.”

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Shoot on sight

Wednesday night at the P.O.V. Bar, two early 30s men are standing against the rail looking out towards the Treasury Building and White House.

Man #1: “What if I took a laser pointer and pointed it at the White House?”
Man #2: “Pretty sure I’d be speaking at your funeral.”

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No, she doesn’t

Three late teenage girls, overhead leaving “Shear Magic” at the Kennedy Center around 10 p.m.

First Girl: “I liked his joke about how we couldn’t vote for him as the murderer because he was born in Kenya.”
Second Girl: “Yeah, that was hilarious. Just like President Obama.”
Third Girl: “Wait, President Obama was born in Kenya? I had no idea.”
First Girl: “No, that’s why it was a joke.”
(Third girl grows quiet)
Second Girl: “Do you even know what we’re talking about?”

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Be sure to visit the National Gardens while you’re in town

On an airplane during the decent into National Airport last weekend.

Guy (talking about the National Cathedral): “Wow! Is that a castle? That’s so cool!”
Girl: “Whatever it is, we have four days to find out.”
A few minutes later…
Girl: “So, this is where they filmed Forrest Gump, right?”

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He’s just lucky the ride wasn’t out of order

Late afternoon on the blue line towards Franconia/Springfield. Tourist family (Dad, Mom, three kids) gets on at Smithsonian.

Five year old son, obviously disappointed and sad that the fun has ended: “But I was loving that ride.”
His older sister asks the mother: “What ride?”
The mother, sighing: “The stairs.”