Photo by Kevin H.Riding the bus in D.C. can be great. You go exactly where you want, pretty quickly. But it can also be annoying when no bus comes for 30 minutes, then four show up all bunched together. Then there can be fights, and crazy stuff sometimes happens. And for some reason, the X2 is always the weirdest. (Or the best?)
Overheard of the Week
On a crowded X2 bus eastbound in the evening at the North Capitol Street stop:
A man in an electric wheel chair boards the bus. Dutifully, passengers on the right side of the bus in the reserved handicapped section get up, flip their seats up and press on to the back of the bus. Passengers on the left side lift their legs and make themselves skinnier so the man can maneuver into his space.
The man proceeds to say the people with their knees to their chins, “Oh, don’t worry, I can drive this thing high. I’m not high now, but I can drive this thing high, really.”
Giggles and gins from everyone around.
Keep reading for occupying stuff, buying sexy things, cupcakes and more.
Make sure to keep sending in those Overheards! We need them. Sometimes we save them for a rainy (unfunny) day. Make sure to tell us who, what, when, where, why.
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Missing the point
On F Street near Freedom Plaza:
Two middle-aged men in expensive suits are discussing Occupy DC.
Suit one: “Don’t those losers have jobs?”
Suit two: “Seriously. I can’t even tell the protesters from the homeless.”
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College kids having sex? Scandalous!
On the Georgetown campus:
A female Georgetown freshman talking to a group of friends: “Don’t worry, I went to multiple pharmacies and wore a wedding ring every time.”
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What also works: TV
At Sweetgreen in Foggy Bottom during the Wednesday lunch rush:
Two doctors (a man and a woman) are talking about babies and people they know having
babies.
Woman doctor: “I mean, I don’t know what people stress so much about, my mother used to leave me alone for hours in the playpen.”
Man doctor: “I know. I am willing to bring old-school absenteeism back.”
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This is exactly what one would expect from people in the Georgetown Cupcake line
At Georgetown Cupcake:
A tween girl and her little brother are taking a long time to decide on flavors.
Girl to cashier: “Can you guys ship, like, one cupcake? How much does it cost to ship one cupcake?”
Cashier: “The shipping costs a lot more than a cupcake. Like as much as 6 cupcakes. Where are you shipping it to?”
Girl: “Washington state.”
Entire line laughs.
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Lil’ yuppie playground
At the P Street Whole Foods:
A father is with his twin kids, a boy and a girl about 5 or 6, near the hot foods section.
Father to daughter: “Where did your brother go!?!!”
Daughter condescendingly responds: “DADDD, YOU KNOWW THEY HAVE AN OLIVE
BAR!”
The boy has hoisted himself up on the bar, feet dangling, and is eating black olives and putting the pits in a row on the bar.
Father runs over to his Son: “SEAN GET OFF THE OLIVE BAR!!!”
(Name changed to protect the olive thieves.)
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This date is going AWESOME
10:30 p.m. Tuesday night in front of the MLK Library:
Young man in his 20s, says to his young female companion, also early 20s: “I want to start a charity that flies in prostitutes from the Netherlands.”
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Both would hurt! Also, why is a dad saying that?
Connecticut Avenue, walking into the Zoo:
Father to child: “I’m going to kick you in your pandas.”
Pause.
2nd Adult: “…your gonads.”
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The new battle line in bar bathroom lines
At U Street Music Hall on Saturday night:
Woman, after being told by a bouncer that she may not use the men’s restroom: “Seriously? Your policies need to be more liberal and less discriminatory. How do you know that I am not a transgender individual?”
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Metro train operators are well-versed in sarcasm
On an 8-car Red line train during rush hour:
Train operator trying to encourage people on the platform to spread out and use all the doors: “Please spread out and use all the doors of this eight car train. This train is equipped with 24 doors and I promise you that they will all take you to the same place.”
