This week, Roseanne Barr confirmed what she had hinted late last year — she’s vying for the Green Party’s nomination to be a candidate to the U.S. presidency. The former star of the 1980s sitcom bearing her name has promised to run on a campaign that focuses on the needs of the 99 percent.

As well-intentioned as her run might be (and as much we may still love her show), Barr’s run again reminds us that in this presidential season, there is once again a tiny slate of real contenders trailed by a massive pool of quixotic hopefuls. Lots of them. According to the Federal Elections Commission, 343 contenders have filed statements of candidacy. Below we’ve got but a tiny sampling of some of them.

Vermin Supreme: With a campaign slogan like “Ride Our Ponies Into the Future, a boot as headwear and experience in every presidential contest since 1992, how is this guy not a frontrunner? Before you mock Supreme for his odd quest to be elected “President Emperor,” though, consider some of his campaign positions: zombie apocalypse awareness, time travel research and forcing all Americans to brush their teeth. Compared to some of his mainstream competitors, these sound downright reasonable.

Montgomery Blair Sibley: The former lawyer for the D.C. Madam and aspiring D.C. medical marijuana entrepreneur not only announced his write-in campaign a few weeks ago, but also promised to sue President Obama over that whole not being an American citizen thing. Now before you go and say that no write-in will ever have a chance, Sibley wants you to know that according to his math, he only needs 26 million ballot write-ins to ascend to the highest office in the land. Easy enough, right?

Jeff Davis: The longtime Michigan Republican is running as a write-in independent, and he’s got but one campaign promise: world peace. That and tax reform, of course: “EVEN IF I HAVE TO WALK IN AND PULL THE POWER SWITCH MYSELF, I WILL PUT AN END TO THE I.R.S. WHICH WILL BRING MORE JOBS BACK TO THE U.S.”

Randall Terry: If you really hate abortion and love graphic images of dead fetuses on TV, then Randall Terry is your guy. Oddly enough, the anti-abortion crusader isn’t just running as a Democrat, but he’s also fighting for his graphic anti-abortion ads to appear during the Super Bowl. The FCC is expected to rule on that matter today.

Jimmy McMillan: Known for his fantastic facial hair and simple yet to-the-point political party — the Rent is too Damn High Party — McMillan is hoping that his loss of the New York gubernatorial race won’t prejudice his chances for the presidency. (Sister site Gothamist interviewed him last year.)

Jack Fellure: The candidate of the Prohibition Party, Fellure’s campaign platform “is the Authorized 1611 King James Bible.” You can probably imagine what that means: alcohol, homosexuality, abortion, pornography, communists and the ACLU are a big no-no. (Does the Bible mention the ACLU?) Teaching the Bible, balancing the budget, pulling the U.S. out of the UN and “making Prisons into places of punishment instead of leisure” are amongst his campaign pledges/religious edicts.

Rick Santorum: Oh, wait. This guy is a frontrunner. Sigh. At least he didn’t propose a moon colony, right? Oh, wait — that guy’s a frontrunner too.

Others: Times Square celebrity Naked Cowboy … Koran-burner Terry Jones … If you want socialism, consider Stewart Alexander … But if you want socialism and liberation, Peta Lindsay is for you! (And she’s a D.C. native!) … And there are more, so many more, including a group highlighted by The Guardian, no doubt so the British daily can derisively mock our presidential system.