Rep. Roscoe Bartlett (R-Md.) wound up in a bit of a flap this week when his office shifted into denial mode that the congressman supported a bill that would give people with moustaches an tax credit to cover the costs of facial grooming. With our elected leaders constantly inveighing against the many complexities and loopholes of the federal tax code, a break for moustache-wearers seemed like the sweetest plum.
The purported ‘Stache Act, backed by the mostly facetious American Mustache Institute, would give people with hairy upper lips an annual sum of $250 to trim, snip and wax their flavor-savers. And Bartlett is one of the more prominently moustachioed politicians an era when congressional facial hair is a rarity.
But due to the Maryland’s new congressional map, Bartlett now finds himself in a tight race against several Democratic contenders itching to oust the longtime incumbent. In a statement to NBC4 yesterday, Bartlett’s office said that while the congressman is “pro-stache,” he doesn’t think taxpayers should foot the bill for people’s grooming habits.
Still, a tax credit to support such a niche intrest with little impact on the national good makes us wonder: What other whimsical loopholes could various lobbies cook up?
Earned Cupcake Tax Credit: Those baked and frosted treats have become so ubiquitous, it’s actually surprising that no one’s actually proposed this yet. But with cupcake shops as the pillars of so many local economies, shouldn’t we be helping them create jobs and line our stomachs with their too-cute confections? The Earned Cupcake Tax Credit would allow cupcakeries to deduct their first $5 million in annual sales, double that for overcrowded shops with TV deals.
Punk-as-Fuck Rebate: Say you want to see a lot of live music, perhaps nearly 300 shows a year. But unless you’re tight with all the bands or a hardworking concert critic, chances are you’re paying at the door most nights. After a while, that hole in your wallet could become quite gaping. The Punk-as-Fuck Rebate gives regular paying concertgoers up to $500 back as long as they hit 200 shows that charge admission in a calendar year. Pass-the-hat shows at DIY venues are acceptable, but only when at least one band plays a Bad Brains cover. Rebate goes up to $1,000 if applicant can prove he or she saw Ian Svenonius perform at least 25 times.
Deductible Blog Commenting: It takes a serious person to commit one’s life to nitpicking every last tidbit of a news website, and those who do it well—or at least voluminously—should be rewarded for their selfless efforts. Insatiable web surfers who live to yammer in comment threads, no matter how far they meander from the original topic, could deduct their hours spent critiquing blog posts as a kind of capital investment in their favorite websites. Of course, too much commenting could lead to the most prolific commenters winding up in a lower effective tax bracket than their secretaries.
Spike Mendelsohn Credit: The only thing people like more than Spike Mendelsohn is talking about how much they like Spike Mendelsohn. The Top Chef alumnus and high-end fast-food maven might not be the best pizza spinner, but he still grills a mean burger and whips up amazing milkshakes. This tax incentive is pretty simple: Drop Spike Mendelsohn into any conversation, get a dollar back on your income tax return. Provide photographic evidence of yourself actually enjoying We, the Pizza and get $10.
