Photo by SDCorum
As D.C. United and the New York Red Bulls prepare to square off on Sunday at 6 p.m. at RFK Stadium, Gothamist’s resident soccer writer Dan Dickinson and I decided to have a little honest conversation about our respective teams, cities and predictions for the game. Let’s just say that Dan and his precious Red Bulls have it coming this weekend, and if he says any different, it’s only because he’s a lying New Yorker. Our conversation:
Dan Dickinson: So Pablo, I see that D.C.’s front office has put together a tremendously creative ad campaign this year. “Nobody likes New York. Nobody.” It’s something, at least—our front office seems to have forgotten the game is even happening. But it got me thinking about a few more things nobody likes, like missing the playoffs for four straight years. Nobody likes playing in a disaster zone of a stadium. And I can’t imagine anybody likes having your big rivals plow down Interstate 95, abuse you with four unanswered goals, and leave with what ended up being our easiest road points of 2011. (And we were TERRIBLE on the road in 2011.) Seems like selective memory from the DCU marketing team.
Pablo Maurer: Ah, Dan, I see you’ve gone for the low hanging fruit. Didn’t take you too long to mention RFK Stadium, eh? I had the pleasure of attending the all-star game last year at Red Bull Arena—your beautiful new facility, comfortably ensconced in…where is it again? Syringe Valley? Hobo Junction? Anyways, it’s a nice enough stadium. It’s still got that “new stadium” smell, which is good, because it’s the only thing that drowns out the surrounding urine-refinery-New Jersey odor. Or maybe your fans just smell that way. Who knows? And yes, I do remember Thierry Henry laying the smack down on us last season at RFK. Do you remember our visit to Monster Lo-Carb pavilion, er, Red Bull Arena last year? I’m sure you remember Dwayne De Rosario dummying right around Dax McCarty (by the way, nice job trading us an MVP for a ginger) and burying the game winning goal. How’d you like them apples?
Dickinson: Glad you got a chance to enjoy our wonderful, modern, rodent-free stadium. Indeed, I do remember Dax getting beaten like, well, a red-headed stepchild. And most of us grumbled as DeRo went on to pull the league MVP award and the Golden Boot. But funny then, how with such a fantastic player on your squad, who fit so perfectly into Olsen’s system, you still managed to finish seventh in the East last year. No wait, not funny—tragic. And speaking of DeRo—four shots on goal in seven games this year? No goals, even against the likes of Montreal? What on earth happened there?
Maurer: Well, most of us DCU fans are waiting for DeRo to wake up. In the meantime, we’ll bank on Santos and DeLeon for firepower. I’m shaking my head just saying that. In regards to the match on Sunday, I feel fairly confident. Which New York team will we see? Which Thierry Henry will we get? The Henry of the past few games that can’t not score, or will we get the other one? You know, that whiny little bitch who openly and visibly throws hissy fits at his teammates when he doesn’t get the desired service or has to play further back than he’d like. I know who we’re not getting, and thats Rafa Marquez. You mentioned DCU’s marketing team earlier. Didn’t the Red Bulls’ just put Marquez on like a billion cans of the energy drink of the same name? Are they full of lead or something, so that they can be used as weapons? Isn’t he suspended for three games for … what is it this time? What did your $4 million man-child do this time? Did he pour battery acid on someone’s face? I’m actually disappointed, Dan, because I was hoping La Norte or Barra Brava would burn him in effigy or something. And what’s with Ryan Meara? The guy still looks like he’s 12.
Dickinson: Funny thing about Thierry—when they opted to give him the captain’s armband last season after shoving Angel out the door, a lot of New York supporters said he didn’t have his heart in it enough to lead this team. But ask anyone in our locker room—it’s a changed team this year, and it’s all Titi’s doing. You want to see what he does when he’s angry now? Go watch the end of the Columbus game where he nearly put the ball through the net. The guy convinced Kenny Cooper to start playing as a target striker, against all odds. I don’t think you’re going to luck out and get a dip in form from him. As for Rafa: I think most of our supporters groups have dibs on the effigy after this last suspension. He’s going to have to score the goal that wins us the cup to earn forgiveness in New York.
And holy crap, you took a dig at Meara and didn’t make a Larry Bird joke? I think you might have have him confused with Connor Lade. But speaking of goalkeepers, who’s going to get the look from Olsen this weekend? Bill “Oops Sorry USA We’re Not Going To The Olympics” Hamid, or Joe “I Really Want To Look Like Josh Saunders” Willis?
Maurer: Look, let’s cut to the chase here. Let’s talk about Sunday. I’m calling it right now: D.C. 2, New York 1. I think Olsen lights a fire under United’s ass after their admittedly lackluster performance against Montreal. I see DeRo and Salihi both getting their first goals. I will openly admit that that has been my score prediction and goalscorer prediction for four games in a row. I don’t care. And I look forward to seeing your supporters—all four of them, if I include Ryan Mearas nanny—at RFK. We’ll be waiting. Go ahead and bring the Atlantic Cup with you, you can just leave it here for the rest of the season. I’ll let you have the last word, Dan, because all of us in D.C. know that soccer writers are soooooooooo much cooler in New York.
Dickinson: I’m going with New York 3, D.C. 2—unless Thierry gets bitten by that raccoon I’ve heard so much about.
