Snooki as a sea captain, or whatever. (s_bukley / Shutterstock.com)

This latest bit of news from the D.C. restaurant scene comes from the lowest dregs of the scuzziest barrel of awful press releases. BGR The Burger Joint, a D.C.-based chain of gourmet hamburger shops, has commissioned its newest sandwich in celebration of the newest celebrity baby.

Early yesterday, Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi gave birth to the newest member of the Jersey Shore cast, 6-pound-5-ounce Lorenzo Dominic LaValle.

And as a baby gift—if you can call it that—BGR is offering up a limited-time sandwich in honor of the little shore rat. From the press release:

BGR will honor America’s favorite reality star and new mother by bringing back the wildly popular ‘Snooki’ burger to the menu (for a limited time), as well as adding a free “baby” slider version of the burger to every order. The Snooki burger features a buttery -toasted brioche bun, our exclusive award winning blend of prime, dry-aged all natural hormone-free, grain-feed beef topped with a fresh-grilled jalapeno, a slice of Philadelphia brand cream cheese and our signature mojo sauce.

First of all, who said Snooki is still America’s favorite reality star? Surely Honey Boo Boo is a bigger deal at this point.

But, seriously, a Snooki burger? And just look at the toppings. With a schmear of cream cheese on top of grilled ground beef, this thing is even more unappetizing than watching an episode of Jersey Shore while you down a half-melted Rita’s water ice.