Our Martian president. (Original photo via NASA)
People say a lot of crazy stuff about President Obama. According to the nuthouse known as the Internet—or maybe just the lavatory in Donald Trump’s private jet—Obama could be a secret Communist Muslim who was born in Kenya to an Indonesian father and from birth hatched a diabolical plan to get elected president for the sole purpose of surrendering the United States to the clutches of the European Union. Or some noise like that.
But what if it were all true? What if every last rumor about the president—no matter how batshit or fucked up—was the reality about Barack Obama?
That’s what a pair of reporters from The Daily Caller—the gun-slinging, press-conference-trolling conservative website—posit in an upcoming book titled The Lizard King: The Shocking Inside Account of Obama’s True Intergalactic Ambitions by an Anonymous White House Staffer. In it, a (presumably) fictitious White House employee discovers that every insane thing ever written about Obama is the truth.
Daily Caller staff writers Jamie Weinstein and William Rahn credit themselves as editors, not authors, hoping to suggest that they are publishing some hot mess of a memoir.
The Amazon description gives the plot as such:
What if every farfetched conspiracy theory about Barack Obama turned out to be true? Two reporters for the The Daily Caller received an unsolicited manuscript in the mail, the diary of a former Obama administration political operative. What they read stunned them. The Lizard King describes a White House where the reality is more surreal, and comically bizarre, than anything its most fervent enemies have alleged. Tasked by David Axelrod with debunking right wing rumors about the president, the narrator embarks on a journey that takes him from Washington to Moscow to the tribal areas of Pakistan in search of the real Barack Obama. His findings leave him shocked, his political ideology in tatters and his understanding of the world forever changed.
Does Jim Morrison’s estate know the Daily Caller is stealing his bit?
But seriously—well, not seriously—this book takes in to consideration the craziest things that have ever been pondered about the 44th president. There are no excerpts yet from the book, which is set to be published October 9 by HarperCollins, but we can take a gander at to what it might purport.
Among the looniest Obama rumors are that he is a closet devil worshipper, is engaged in secret love affair with actual former White House staffer and actor Kal Penn (Larry Sinclair might be jealous), caused the death of Andrew Breitbart and is a puppet for Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez.
Then there are stories about his parentage that stretch far beyond Hawaii, Kenya or Indonesia. There’s the whole Antichrist/son-of-Satan deal. Just as nutty, and perhaps the source of the book’s title, is the English conspiracy theorist David Icke‘s belief that Obama is a member of a reptilian cabal of world leaders that also includes, among others, Queen Elizabeth II and Kris Kristofferson, who is not the president or king of anything (though he should be).
And there’s an extraterrestrial element, too. In January, a pair of conspiracy theorists claimed that as a college student in California, Obama was part of a secret CIA program that transported select individuals to Mars. The White House responded, saying that the president visited the red planet “only if you count watching Marvin the Martian.”
This book is going to be awesome.
