Photo by Alan Kotok

It’s summer and school’s out. That means it’s family vacation time. That also means high season for tour bus and Segway operators, people who sell neon hats and NCIS T-shirts, and whoever makes those quacking duck tour noisemaker things. It also means lots of inaccurate information from tourists.

Overheard of the Week

In the lobby of Ford’s Theatre:

Teenage tourist son and tourist mom are milling around at intermission. The son is pointing at Petersen House, which features a large sign reading “HOUSE WHERE LINCOLN DIED.”

Son: “Is that where they took Lincoln?”
Mom: “No, I don’t think so. It was somewhere else.”

After the jump: Tourist Mom II: Electric Boogaloo, Return of Tourist Mom, and Nicolas Cage.

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Maybe this is why nobody uses the new coins

At the Navy Yard station after a Nationals game:

Random drunk guy 20-something to his friend who is dropping his change from the fare card machine: “What are you doing? Those are like silver dollars”
Friend: “What’s a silver dollar worth?”

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OK, Nicolas Cage

On the Blue Line Metro between L’Enfant and Smithsonian:

Woman: “I have to find a bathroom.”
Man: “Me too. We have to find a bathroom. We also have to find… Benjamin Franklin’s bifocals. So we can read the map on the back of the Declaration of Independence.”

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Wait, what? Oh…

At a grocery store in Friendship Heights:

A middle age woman talking to a younger woman handing out samples of wine: “I’m a white person.”

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Kids are learning bad habits young

Saturday morning at the checkout line of the Chevy Chase Safeway:

A 10-year-old boy insists on moving his mom’s groceries from the cart to the conveyor belt, but stops and stares at the photos of OJ Simpson and Khloé Kardashian on the Enquirer. The mom starts moving the groceries on her own.

Son: “Mom! I told you I was doing that!”
Mom: “Well, you stopped.”
Son” “I was looking at the magazines. Don’t judge me!”

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Your only weapons are stale biscotti and $4 water

In Starbucks near Federal Center:

No one is claiming a particular drink.

Starbucks employee: “Will anyone take claim to this?!”
Customer: “I VOLUNTEER AS TRIBUTE!”

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Even if tour guides get licenses, it’s still not enough

On the corner of 13th Street and Pennsylvania Avenue NW at 1 p.m. on a Thursday, cater-corner across from the Ronald Reagan International Trade Center:

Mother tourist to two teenage children: “See that, it is says ‘trade center.’ That means people who have foreign money can bring it here and trade it in.”

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American history

At the Fête de la Musique at the French Embassy a few weeks ago:

Group of 20 somethings waiting in a food line.

Guy to his friends: “Malcolm X invented peanut butter.”
One of his friends (after a long silence): “Uhh…”
Guy: “Oh wait, that was George Washington Carver. What did Malcolm X do?”

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Tourist mom strikes again

Tourists all wearing brand new D.C. apparel:

Tourist kid 1: “I got a new wallet today.”
Tourist mom: “Oh that’s nice, where did you get it?”
Tourist kid 1: “The Bureau of Engravement.”
Tourist kid 2: “AKA the Mint.”
Tourist mom: “That’s where they make the coins.”