By Matt Cohen and Sarah Anne Hughes
The Baltimore Sun’s b magazine wants D.C. residents to know that Charm City is the far superior place to be. And they’ve provided 100 reasons (through a 100 click slideshow, naturally) to back it up.
DCist went ahead and clicked through (you’re welcome, b magazine!), and distilled the ten lamest reasons given, as well as the ten “OK, you’ve got us” ones, so you don’t have to.
Ten lamest reasons
“We don’t start conversations by asking, ‘What do you do?’ or ‘Who do you work for?'” (Cool job citing one of the most played out D.C. stereotypes!)
“We may have plotted to kill Abraham Lincoln en route to his inauguration in 1861, but a few years later, D.C. actually did it.”
“Our signature food is crab cakes and pit beef. D.C. has … yeah.” (Half smokes!)
“Natty Boh. What’s that, D.C.? Don’t have your own old-school beer — you know, like Pabst or even Schlitz? That’s sad.” (No, but we do have some kick-ass craft beers. Also, Natty Boh isn’t even brewed in Baltimore anymore)
“We don’t have to pick a fight with another city to make ourselves feel better.” (hahahaha)
“Lacrosse, yo. Lacrosse.” (Seriously, b magazine?)
“We don’t try too hard.” (Because a list of “100 reasons why X is better than Y” isn’t trying, right?)
“D.C. has the Caps. Three words: Baltimore Lingerie League. Would you rather pay to watch grown men or scantily clad women duke it out?” (Hockey > casual sexism)
“Our cult films: ‘Hairspray,’ ‘Diner,’ ‘Step Up.’ D.C.’s cult films: ‘Mr. Smith Goes to Washington’ and ‘Dave.’ Right.” (D.C. CAB, YO)
“We raised Sisqo, the voice of the glorious “Thong Song.” (We raised EU, voice of “Da Butt,” the ORIGINAL booty anthem)
Ten “OK, you’ve got us” reasons
“We can buy a rowhouse for $100K less.” (But you still have to live in Baltimore)
‘The Real World’ and “The Real Housewives’ didn’t film their worst seasons here. Also, ‘The Real World’ and ‘The Real Housewives’ didn’t film here at all.
“Obama’s favorite TV show is ‘The Wire.” (Ok, yeah, The Wire is pretty great)
“Points to D.C. for having the 9:30 Club, one of the best venues for live music on the East Coast … where our bands Animal Collective, Wye Oak, Beach House, and Dan Deacon bring in your money.” (Yes, Baltimore’s music scene is good, but let’s not forget we birthed hardcore punk and go-go)
“It never takes us 45 minutes to go six miles.” (D.C. traffic is bad, but Baltimore’s isn’t much better)
“D.C.’s happy hour is regular price to us.” (Fine, you’ve got us beat on drink prices, but we still have plenty of great dives to score some cheap drinks)
“Waiting in line for an hour for a damn cupcake?! You’re joking, right?” (We’re as sick of it as you are, but remember, cupcake craze is not limited to D.C.)
“With its red bricks and open spaces, Oriole Park at Camden Yards gives us a big hug. Nationals Park, all concrete, metal and glass, gives a cold shoulder to D.C.” (Look, Nationals Park is great, but yeah, Camden Yards is legendary)
“For us, tourist season doesn’t come with the risk of being run over by endless Segway tours.” (We’re working on this)
“We have John Waters. And we’ll always have him.” (John Waters is pretty cool, but don’t forget: We have Ian MacKaye)
Consider us trolled.
Courtesy bthesite.com
