Photo by Alan Zilberman.
By DCist Contributor Alan Zilberman
The popular dive Wonderland Ballroom is practically a landmark, and most anyone who lives in D.C. long enough has fond memories of it. I once lost my watch on a walk home from there. I’ve hosted trivia nights there a few times. I’m going to a wedding in Iowa next year and the happy couple met there (he proposed there, too). But for all the memories—inebriated or otherwise—the facilities are lost in the conversation. It is a shame, really, since this downstairs bathroom is an understated triumph.
+6 for a helpful public service announcement: Outside the bathroom of Wonderland there is a big sign that begins with, “Please do not urinate in this doorway.” All kidding aside, I wish more restaurants and bars included such helpful signage. Not that public urination plagues D.C. bathrooms, but you never know with some people.
-4 for a dirty, dirty mirror: There is so much crap on the bathroom mirror that, for all intents and purposes, it’s impossible to see your face. My visage does not require a lot of maintenance—like many other D.C. men, I’m bald with a beard and glasses—but I would like to be able to tell if/when there’s a stain near my mouth from hot wings.
+5 for an overabundance of toilet paper: When I went to Wonderland, there were three(!) toilet paper rolls, each with more than adequate resources left. This is borderline excessive, I’m sure you’ll agree, but I appreciate it nonetheless. It’s as if the bar staff is saying, “Be our guest and take a dump here!”
-2 for a meager faucet stream: I know I’m hung up on hand-drying options—every bathroom that has a Dyson Air Blade has an unfair/unhealthy advantage against all others—but water supply is infinitely more necessary. Even when turning on both the hot and cold at full blast, the Wonderland bathroom barely lets out more than a squirt. I had to adjust my lather accordingly, which is NOT cool.
+3 for privacy: The Wonderland ground floor has exactly one stall for men and women. When supplies are low, there is plenty of spillover upstairs, so I appreciate a moment of alone time before I head back outside and embarrass myself by telling the same drunken story for the third time.
Overall score: +8. This column is still in its infancy, but Wonderland Ballroom has the highest rating so far. I’ll go as far to say that it might be the best bar bathroom in Columbia Heights. It’s definitely the most underrated.
