Photo by Alan Zilberman.

By DCist Contributor Alan Zilberman

Located in the heart of Shaw, Dacha is a German-style beer garden that’s enormously popular for its German beer (duh), dog-friendly outdoor seating, and frequently-stolen “boot” glasses. This is the sort of spot you only want to visit before 9 p.m., otherwise it gets too crowded with beer-crazed urbanites. Since it opened late last summer, Dacha’s owners have promised a “permanent structure,” which means that the kitchen is the back end of a truck, and they have port-a-potties. But as far as port-a-potties go, Dacha has the least objectionable ones I’ve come across. Still, there are some glaring structural flaws.

+5 for cleanliness: Before I began this column, I was debating whether I should compare Dacha to all D.C. bathrooms, or to port-a-potties in general. I realized that doing the former would be unfair: it’s an apples-and-oranges comparison, as the nothing in the establishment is indoors. So as far as port-a-potties go, Dacha’s are pretty solid. How good, you ask? When I visited them, there were some bros chilling outside them with beers in hand. Can you imagine anyone hanging out within ten feet of the outdoor bathrooms at Merriweather Post Pavilion? Those facilities might as well come with a biohazard sign.

-3 for a sharp learning curve: The bathrooms here—five in all—are well-lit and the essentials of the experience are intact. Anyone can figure out how they’re meant to use the damn thing. The problem, however, is with the aftermath. How are you supposed to flush? How are you supposed to wash your hands? There’s a knob to the left of the sink, but it doesn’t do anything. Turns out both involve foot pumps, but the problem is that that’s not exactly intuitive. I figured it all out on the first go, but it shouldn’t be that hard. The road toward sanitation must always be clear.

+2 for abundantly clear “occupied” signals: Like most other port-a-potties, the bathrooms at Dacha come with a simple lock mechanism. By turning the lock on the inside, there’s an indicator that switches from green to red on the outside. Even if you’re taking a dump outside (more or less) the indicator offers a measure of welcomed privacy.

-1 for cramped facilities: I know it’s unfair to compare this bathroom to other brick-and-mortar establishments, hence the low negative score, but it’s still goddamn annoying that I can barely turn around in this bathroom, let alone stretch. I welcome the day for a “permanent structure” because a bathroom in a nice neighborhood should not feel like I’m in a damn airplane.

+4 for excellent hand drying options: Dacha’s hand drying options are even better than a Dyson Air Blade. Whether you use the sink in the port-a-potty or the communal sinks outside, there are an abundance of paper towels, and there’s no automatic mechanism to retrieve them. In fact, Dacha allows you to use as many paper towels as you like, which is always preferable over anything electronic. You may have to shit outside at this beer garden, but at least what follows is civilized.

-2 for an poorly-located mirror: The small mirror at Dacha may be high enough so that you cannot see yourself while you sit on the toilet—THANK GOD—but it’s so low that that the only way to see your face is to bend. But that’s kind of impossible to do since the facilities are so cramped. Either have a functional mirror, or none at all, guys.

Overall score: +5. This is a damn fine port-a-potty, and I wish larger outdoor venues would take the care to give their customers a comparable outdoor experience.