Via Shutterstock.
Ever noticed this before? Whenever there are severe storms headed straight for D.C., they tend to break apart at the last minute. If you have, you’re not alone.
It’s a strange occurrence that happens often in our region, which a lot of local meteorologists have explained as the “heat island effect.” The “heat island effect” is when a densely urbanized area becomes a lot warmer than rural surroundings, “forming an ‘island’ of higher temperatures in the landscape.” The effect of which often causes storms to break apart or diminish in strength before it hits these “heat islands.”
But c’mon, you expect us to believe all this science to explain such a phenomenon? The real reason that this happens, according to a new conspiracy theory, is that D.C. is protected by ancient Egyptian technology built within the Washington Monument that “creates a sort of electrically charged shield through the channeling of various earth energies” that helps repel storms and whatnot, according to UFO Digest.
It’s a ridiculous, if not highly entertaining theory, but it also serves to remind us of the best, craziest conspiracy theories about D.C.—and believe us, there are plenty. Some of our favorites include, but are not limited to:
D.C.’s Luciferic Street Design
Pierre L’Enfant was an odd man. If you didn’t already surmise that from D.C.’s unique street layout, the French architect who designed the whole thing was notoriously fickle and often fought with city officials to build his grand design scheme. He also, weirdly, died in poverty with only “three watches, three compasses, some books, some maps, and surveying instruments” left in his possession,” according to Jean Jules Jusserand’s book, With Americans of Past and Present Days. Oh, and he was also rumored to be a Freemason and satanist, who incorporated many Luciferic designs into D.C.’s street designs.
If you look closer at maps of some of D.C.’s streets, you can trace pentagrams out of them. From io9:
There are over thirty commuting circles within the Washington, D.C. area (granted, not all were in place in the initial design), with three of them being points in the alleged pentagram. Lines forming the pentagram are shown in the adjacent image. In the pentagram, the White House makes one point, while the last point is Mount Vernon Square. No building was on this site until 1902, when a building that would later become a public library was constructed. These five points do form a pentagram when four lines are drawn between them. But was this a deliberate design choice?
So, is D.C. really some kind of Hellmouth? No, that’s ridiculous. Still, HAIL SATAN 666.
Via io9.
I L L U M I N A T I
And perhaps the grandest, most nefarious of conspiracy theories concerning D.C.: that the Illuminati—an extremely secret, ancient society that penetrates governments and huge corporations to secretly run the world—operates out of the District.
This isn’t an entirely surprising conspiracy theory, considering that the Illuminati supposedly infiltrated the Freemasons and L’Enfant was—gasp!—supposedly a Freemason. Illuminati conspiracy theorists believe that the secret group is responsible for every major world event, from rigging elections to assassinations to starting wars—even the tragic Navy Yard shooting last September—in order to establish a New World Order (establishing a dominant totalitarian world government). National Treasure films aside, many believe that Illumanit symbols are littered throughout D.C.—not just in L’Enfant’s designs for the city—but in monuments and other parts of the city. Hell, there’s even the House of the Temple on 16th Street NW, the headquarters of the Scottish Rite of Freemasonry, no doubt there’s some sketchy Illuminati shit going on there, right? Right.
Conclusions
Perhaps all these theories are right: D.C. was built by L’Enfant, who was a satanist Freemason Illuminati member and turned parts of the city into a Hellmouth. He designed the Washington Monument using ancient Egyptian technology in order to protect the city from being destroyed by bad weather or whatever as they slowly implement the New World Order. Someone call Alex Jones.
