Photo by Alan Zilberman.
By DCist Contributor Alan Zilberman
Started in 2010 by DJs who wanted a superlative dance experience, the underground fixture of our city’s nightlife offers more than the opportunity to groove. The space is a terrific concert venue, for one thing: I’ve seen indie, punk, and pop acts perform there. The drinks are also reasonable (relative to other concert venues), as long as you don’t mind a plastic cup. The owners of U Street Music Hall (U Hall) pride themselves on a corked dance floor, one that provides sonic euphoria, and there’s a similar thoughtfulness in the bathrooms, even if they suffer from years of entropy.
+3 For Cleanliness: Graffiti lines the bathroom at U Hall, so this score may seem unintuitive, yet there is a sleek, austere cleanliness that defines the bathroom. It’s almost as if the owners vigorously disinfect the whole thing every night. U Hall is all about minimalist design, and the skeleton of its bathroom reflects that. Pooping in here is a no-brainer.
-2 For Inadequate Supply: U Hall can fit 500 people inside, which seems like a lot after looking at the meager bathroom offerings. There are two urinals, plus a single toilet in a stall. I realize that upstairs at the Black Cat offers has the exact same supply, yet that venue also give its patrons the opportunities to wander downstairs for more. Hours of non-stop dancing can have its toll on the bladder, so I hate to imagine the lines that appear when it’s at capacity.
+2 For Terrific Grafitti: While waiting to relieve yourself, the graffiti offers plenty of diversion. Countless DJs and EDM acts line the bathroom with their stickers, which adds an air of authenticity to the experience of the venue. The juxtaposition of the tagging with the stickers create a distinct modern art feel, to the point where you might be tempted (albeit in an inebriated state) to put your drink on the shelf and give a small round of applause.
-1 For a Meager Air-Dryer: There are no paper towels in U Hall’s men’s room, and instead there is a hand-dryer that wheezes out tepid air as if its entire life is a death rattle. I would give the hand-dryer a lower score, except the only recourse with moist hands is to step out on the dance floor and shake them clean. Dance onward, you crazy fools!
+4 For Its No-Nonsense Stall Policy: The most distinct feature of U Hall’s bathroom is a sign that reads, “ONLY ONE PERSON IN THE STALL AT A TIME. VIOLATORS OF THIS RULE WILL BE REMOVED FROM THE CLUB WITH NO REFUND. NO EXCEPTIONS.” This strict policy is to deter drug use in the bathroom, and also sex. I’m not the most gun shy, bathroom-wise, but I couldn’t squeeze a drop if I heard atypical, perhaps disturbing noises from within the stall.
Overall Score: +6. This is a strange bathroom, with qualities that are chaotic and monolithic. It is draconian, albeit for good reasons, and an oasis from the dance party beyond it’s doors. If the DJ owners pony up for a Dyson Air Blade, it’ll be one of the best bar bathrooms in the whole city.
