(Courtesy of the Office of the District of Columbia Auditor)

How can I sign my child up for free or reduced cost lunches? When is the Fort Totten trash transfer station open? What is the number for the hate crimes hotline?

These are the sort of simple questions that the D.C. government should be able to answer. But when the Office of the D.C. Auditor called and emailed seven agencies to test their customer service skills, they found that their knowledge and courteousness varied wildly (I know, you’re all shocked).

“Customer service provided by the agencies was frequently very good, and probably better than many residents might expect,” D.C. Auditor Kathy Patterson said in a release. “But some responses were poor or non-existent. We hope that this report will encourage the Mayor and senior officials to build on the strengths found in our testing to deliver excellent, courteous service on a more consistent basis.”

The worst in terms of both knowledge and courtesy over the telephone was the Department of Public Works (DPW), the Department of Human Services (DHS), and the Department of Consumer and Regulatory Affairs (DCRA). The Metropolitan Police Department (MPD) and the Office of the Chief Financial Officer (OCFO) fared much better. In terms of testing their email knowledge, MPD once again came out on top, followed by DCRA; DHS was at the bottom of the heap.

The biggest problem that the testers found was that many of their phone calls and emails went unreturned. And across the board, the auditor found that most interactions were either excellent or terrible/non-existent, with only a handful of middling cases.

“Although the service provided by D.C. government agencies in response to inquiries by ODCA testers was frequently good to excellent, the agencies did not provide high-quality service on a consistent basis,” the auditor’s report reads. “There was a troubling subset of cases in which agencies provided poor or no service.” And the results are likely skewed in the agencies’ favor, since the auditor deliberately made simple requests (so not to put too much of a burden on the government’s operations).

The auditor recommended updating customer service standards set by then-mayor Anthony Williams and implementing time frames for responses, among other suggestions.

Auditors Report by Rachel Sadon