Photo via Craigslist.

When posting furniture for sale on Craigslist, you’ve got to find a way to stand out in the crowd. Adding adjectives helps. But one savvy vendor went the extra mile when trying to hawk his fully-mirrored glass table set.

“Let me tell you what, these things are AWESOME. You’ll be cutting up and insufflating piles of BOOGER SUGAR in NO TIME! These things are built to last and will have you going until your heart LITERALLY EXPLODES. Its time to ditch your old fraternity composite, put on some big boy pants, and install an EXPRESS LANE to Colombia RIGHT IN YOUR LIVING ROOM,” the post reads, after a questionable claim that fictional character Tony Montana commissioned the set.

The complete set is going for $100, slightly less than the cost of an eight-ball of cocaine, according to Quora.

We were able to make contact with the seller, who is using the pseudonym Dirk Diggler after the Boogie Nights character (he also spoke to Borderstan). “I honestly don’t want to be associated with anything in real life that I’ve woven together to sell these tables,” he says.

Has he channeled Montana in his use of the tables? “We’ll neither confirm nor deny what the table’s actually been used for,” he says with a laugh.

As for the furniture’s origin story, he says the tables are “not some junky, Etsy-created piece of novelty. My family’s had them since ’83ish, and I needed a coffee table when I graduated from college. I’ve been hauling them around since 2010. I’m kind of tired of them. I don’t think they could be dripping ’80s any more than they already are.”

Since his Craigslist posting became popular on Reddit, he says he’s gotten some interest, including outright offers from at least two people.

His next plan is to take nicer, more artistic photos of the tables.