(Courtesy of Entertainment Studios)
From the opening moments of 47 Meters Down, with its fake out pool sequence, a sly shortcut familiar from decades of Jaws imitators, we know what we’re in for and it sure ain’t high art. But this is a movie about pretty white girl tourists trying not to get eaten by sharks. It doesn’t even attempt to reinvent the wheel. Be warned, however: this film brings far more laughs than screams, and very few are intentional.
Director Johannes Roberts and co-writer Ernest Riera eschew Sharknado-level camp for the lean, suspenseful theatrics of last year’s The Shallows, but instead of the serviceably talented Blake Lively and a charming seagull, it’s Mandy Moore and Claire Holt as two sisters so handicapped by the condescending script as to be the victims of meta-sympathy.
Lisa (Moore), who has just been dumped by her boyfriend because he got bored, invites her baby sister Kate (Holt) on a trip to Mexico. The spunkier, more adventurous Kate, determined to get Lisa outside of her humdrum shell, talks her into joining some hot Latin guys on a boat with Matthew Modine so they can dive under water. In a cage. To see sharks. Up close.
Yeah. That’s the premise. Their cage breaks away from the boat and they plummet 47 METERS DOWN TO THE OCEAN FLOOR and have to survive in something resembling real time.
Now, from a purely technical storytelling perspective, there’s got to be a reason our heroines end up threatened by sharks. But can you honestly think of a more asinine set-up than a woman worried that she’s not exciting enough for a man?
The star is in mortal danger simply because she wants to take daring photos for Instagram. With sharks. Lisa and Kate are in the kind of peril that should elicit sympathy from an audience, but all it does is make you feel bad that these characters ended up in a world that sees women as little more than the embodiment of a “keep your man” tutorial from Cosmo.
Outside of a few effective jump scares, the film lacks legitimate thrills, but unfortunately has plenty of cringeworthy line readings. Murky underwater visuals force Moore and Holt to rely solely on dialogue in most scenes, as the scuba gear obscures facial expressions, making the bulk of the film the shittiest radio drama you’ve ever heard. Just about the only genuine pleasure in the movie is hearing a veteran like Modine do the best he can with verbal exposition ripped out of a video game cut scene.
As for whether this ends well, let’s just say the screening this reviewer attended concluded with a collective groan so loud that Lisa and Kate could have heard it from the depths of the sea. If you love dumb fun and shredding up dollar bills but want a more creative way to waste your hard-earned cash, then this is the movie for you. If you prefer your cinematic schadenfreude on the cheap, I’m sure SyFy is working on expanding the Sharknadoverse as we speak.
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Directed by Johannes Roberts
Written by Johannes Roberts & Ernest Riera
Starring Mandy Moore, Claire Holt, Matthew Modine and Yani Gellman
Rated PG-13 for sequences of intense peril, bloody images, and brief strong language.
89 Minutes
Opens today at a theater near you.
