Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006, and check out the archives here.
We can’t have Overheard in D.C. without your submissions! Email your Overheards to overheard(at)dcist[dot]com and don’t forget to include who was talking, to whom, and in what context.
The Democratic debates last week got a lot of criticism. Plus, there was a lot of manufactured drama. Maybe these folks have some ideas. Roses, anyone?
Overheard of the Week
Outside an office in Arlington:
A group of interns are discussing which was going to be the most cut throat TV: the Bachelorette or the Democratic Debate.
Intern: “Well, the Bachelorette started at 20 contestants and is down to two. Call me when the candidates get that far.”
——
Anatomy is hard
At the Harris Teeter in Navy Yard:
Man in business suit, wandering down the aisles talking on his phone: “I think more with my head, and less with my mind.”
——
Great insult, or extremely confused?
Lunchtime on a sidewalk near Dupont Circle:
Middle-aged man talking on a cell phone: “Yeah, she’s a real free spirit, like Margaret Thatcher.”
——
Might just be placebo, but this actually sounds amazing
Morning commute, walking outside Farragut North Metro station:
20-something woman is talking loudly on her phone on her way to the office about a new diet/cleanse: “Yeah, I’ve been doing this for a while. Really, it’s changed my life. I have so much more energy. I even do the dishes now.”
——
Welcome to D.C.
At Farragut West during rush hour:
A group of three co-workers are waiting one the platform at Farragut West toward the end of rush hour. Their train is one minute away. They are in the middle of the largest crowd on the platform, boarding in the middle of the train
Bro 1: “Is it always this crowded?”
Woman: “Ummm yes.”
Bro 1: “Well, I’m more of a sitter.”
Woman: “What?”
Bro 1: “I really prefer to sit down on the train.”
The other two just look at each other and laugh.
——
I’m a rebel!
At 4th and M Southwest:
Two 20-something women are waiting to cross 4th Street. One hits the walk button, and the automated voice says “please wait.” A bit later the Don’t Walk signal is still illuminated but all the traffic has passed, and one of the women begins to cross the street.
Other woman gasps: “You’re not waiting! It was a direct request!”
——
Who doesn’t?
Standing on the sidewalk near Brixton at 9th and U at 7:45 p.m. on Tuesday:
One middle-aged man to another “I should be a comedian instead of a drug dealer, but I like being a drug dealer.”
——
Gotta have some standards
Outside SoulCycle on Sunday morning:
Mid 20’s woman leaving SoulCycle, talking to her friend on the phone: “He peed in the street? You’d better not be seeing this boy again.”
(Pauses to listen to her friend.)
“I don’t care how drunk he was, we do NOT pee in the street!”
——
The new “if a tree falls in the forest”
At the Orangetheory fitness studio in Rosslyn, right as a Monday night class is about to start:
Two friends are waiting to enter the class.
Friend 1: “Oh no, I forgot to wear my Apple Watch! What is even the point of this workout now?!”
Friend 2 nods approvingly.
——
If only it were that easy
Saturday night at Punjab Grill:
Mid-thirties/early forties couple is getting shown to seats. They ask if they can be seated instead at one of the private booths you have to make a special reservation for.
Guy: “I’m a D.C. local so I know how it is…”
——
Roasted
Two early-20’s bros taking their sweet time perusing Union Market Trader Joe’s on a busy Monday evening:
Bro 1: “So what’s new with you?”
Bro 2: “Well last month I was pretty preoccupied with my quarter-life crisis.”
Bro 1: “What the fuck is a quarter-life crisis?”
——
And finally, local stereotypes
On the Red Line towards Glenmont:
One college-age woman to her friend. They’re talking about how people who’ve never been there know about Bethesda’s reputation.
Woman: “I feel like I need to apologize every time I tell people I’m from Bethesda. It’s like ‘yeah… I know… I know.’”
——
As always, we rely on you to overheard the good stuff and send it our way. Make sure to tell us who was speaking to whom and in what context.
