Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006. Check out the archives here.

We can’t have Overheard in D.C. without your submissions! Email your Overheards to overheard(at)dcist[dot]com and don’t forget to include who was talking, to whom, and in what context. 

You might notice we have fewer overheards than normal. We’re taking that as a sign that folks are staying home and socially distant—good job! But as a result, we are now taking submissions for eavesdropping on video conferencing calls and all of the other newfangled ways we’re staying in touch.

Overheard of the Week 

A man talking on the phone as he walks down the west bank of the Anacostia River Trail: 

“So you know the guy I told you about? We had a Zoom meeting with the new students and he called in naked. Everyone else was in normal attire….he was buck naked as far as I could tell. I didn’t really look…yeah I think he knew he was already getting fired.”

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You can have a little nicotine, as a treat 

A woman stepping out onto the patio of Chaplin’s restaurant calls to someone inside:

“Shelly it’s a fucking pandemic we can have a cigarette every now and then.”

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It’s called range

Two 20-something bros biking up the hill next to the Capitol building:

Bro 1: “He dresses like a rapper.”
Bro 2: “Dude, I was on his Twitter the other day!”
Bro 1: “Do you think he’ll dress that way when he’s a dentist?”

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I heard the Capri Suns are crazy there 

A nine-year-old talking to her friend during a Zoom class:

“When this coronavirus is over, we’re going to Vegas.”

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Pride! Even if the parade is cancelled

Half of a cell phone conversation overheard through an open window on Capitol Hill:

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Self-care, right? 

 One 30-something woman to another 30-something woman near the Columbia Heights Giant:

“We literally bought $100 worth of alcohol and it was gone in a week.”

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Consider the vibes checked 

Three 20-something dudes in a Safeway:

Dude one: “Yeah, then the cops came. We were only just jamming and drinking. But they didn’t like that.”

The other dudes nod.

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Sign of the times 

Around 4th and M streets SW, a middle-aged woman talks to another middle-aged woman: