Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006. Check out the archives here.

We can’t have Overheard in D.C. without your submissions! Email your Overheards to overheard(at)dcist[dot]com and don’t forget to include who was talking, to whom, and in what context. 

You might notice we have fewer overheards than normal. We’re taking that as a sign that folks are staying home and socially distant — good job! But as a result, we are now taking submissions for eavesdropping on video conferencing calls and all of the other newfangled ways we’re staying in touch.

Overheard of the Week 

In Lanier Heights, a man and woman walking together:

Man: “A good dick is hard to find.”
Woman: “I’ve had a couple, but yeah.”

—

I guess you had to be there

On the grounds of the Capitol, two police officers greet each other: 

Bike cop, approaching cop in car: “Hey man, what’s up?”
Cop in car: “What day is it?”
Bike cop, as he rides by: “It’s Groundhog Day, motherfucker.”

—

Four miles forward, 10 brownie-cookies back

On a trail, two women walking:  

Woman 1: “We’ve been outside so much lately! I’m surprised we haven’t lost any weight. I think I’ve gained a few pounds.”
Woman 2: “I KNOW! We’ve exercised twice in three weeks now! Like we are doing four miles today! That should count for something.”
Woman 1: “Exactly … hey, I’m hungry. Do you want to head back and we can finish off that pan of brookies we made this morning?”
Woman 2: “We finished that, but my backpack is full of snacks!”
Woman 1: “OH, great! Let’s eat those! Then we can go get some lunch!”

—

There’s a political metaphor in here somewhere

Along the reflection pool near the Lincoln Memorial, a jogger attempts to pass a couple walking: 

The jogger, trying to pass on the left: “On your right!”
The walkers move toward the left to allow a pass on the right.
The jogger, passing on the left: “On your right!”
The jogger, after passing: “You guys should let people pass!”

—

Better late than never

In Meridian Hill Park, two yo-pro dudes hanging out: 

Man 1: “Yeah, this quarantine has really made me appreciate my family a lot more. Before, I never would have sent my mother flowers for Mother’s Day or Valentine’s Day, but last week, I sent her two bouquets in the same week, one for each holiday!”
Man 2: “Um … Valentine’s Day is in February … ”

—

The simple pleasures

In Cleveland Park, two men riding their bikes:

Man 1: “I want bagels!”
Man 2: (inaudible)
Man 1: “Bagels! Bagels! Bagels!”

—

Was it good?

On a trail in Silver Spring, two parents let their daughter kiss a frog they caught: 

Mom: “I’ve kissed a lot of frogs in my day.”
Dad: “I don’t need to know all that.”
Mom: “No, I meant actual frogs.”

—

Someone’s watched too many documentaries 

On Taft Bridge, two women chatting: 

Woman 1: “Well, there’s communes … and then there’s cults.”