Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006. Check out the archives here.

We can’t have Overheard in D.C. without your submissions! Email your Overheards to overheard(at)dcist[dot]com and don’t forget to include who was talking, to whom, and in what context. 

You might notice we have fewer overheards than normal. We’re taking that as a sign that folks are staying home and socially distant—good job! But as a result, we are now taking submissions for eavesdropping on video conferencing calls and all of the other newfangled ways we’re staying in touch.

Overheard of the Week

A young dad and his daughter discussing his place of employment at the Lauriol Plaza outdoor patio:

Dad: “Where does daddy work? Remember we talked about this yesterday?”
Daughter: “Um…”
Dad: “Institute of…”
Daughter: “Institute of…”
Dad: “Institute of International…”
Daughter: “Institute of International…Elephants.”
Dad: “Yes, I work for the Institute of International Elephants. Correct. That’s exactly where I work.”

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Unfortunately, no

Overheard in Hinge pick-up lines:

“Can’t we get together and cure coronavirus with your smile?”

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A sacred place

Flustered customers waiting in the socially distanced elevator line to leave Trader Joe’s in Glover Park:

Person: “People are getting antsy!”
Elevator operator: “Yeah, if you wanna be antsy, there’s a Safeway down the street! Do not mess with my Trader Joe’s vibe!”

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Don’t want to know the first part of that story

Two men in 50’s and 70’s in head-to-toe biker gear riding along Eisenhower Avenue: 

50’s guy to 70’s guy: “…And yeah, so now I have to start to be politically correct again…”
Both: *groan*

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Knowing your audience 

Volunteers collecting signatures to decriminalize psychedelics at the Mount Pleasant farmers market compost collection:

Volunteer: “Do you like compost? You may also like mushrooms!”

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As always, we rely on you to overhear the good stuff and send it our way. Make sure to tell us who was speaking to whom and in what context.