Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006. Check out the archives here.

We can’t have Overheard in D.C. without your submissions! Email your Overheards to overheard(at)dcist[dot]com and don’t forget to include who was talking, to whom, and in what context. 

You might notice we have fewer overheards than normal. We’re taking that as a sign that folks are staying home and socially distant—good job! But as a result, we are now taking submissions for eavesdropping on video conferencing calls and all of the other newfangled ways we’re staying in touch.

Overheard of the Week

A man in his 20s or 30s talking on the phone while waiting for an elevator in Navy Yard:

“The coronavirus is still here. It’s still here. You wanna catch the coronavirus? No? Because IT’S STILL HERE.”

—

But imagine the possibilities if…

A woman talking to her toddler daughter while walking down Columbia Road in Adams Morgan:

“Well, that’s the way humans are, we only have two hands.”

—

Imagine if drivers were this polite!

Shoppers at the Potomac Yard Target:

Guy: *has a cart, is mostly blocking the aisle*
Girl: *slides sideways to avoid the cart as she tries to get through the aisle*
Guy: *moves the cart to one side* “Sorry!”
Girl: “It’s ok! You’re fine!”
Guy: “No, YOU’RE fine!”

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Maybe not the best conversation for a bike ride

A woman cyclist riding behind a man down Massachusetts Avenue near Chinatown:

Woman: “So when did you, like, know you were gay?”

Man: …

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August 23, 2019: Cyclist fraud

A guy in his late 20s talking to another guy in the East Potomac Golf Course pro shop:

“I want people to think I bike to work but don’t want to show up sweaty, so I put on biking clothes every morning and then take an Uber to a block away.”

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July 20, 2018: Turn left at the McNugget 

A Tuesday evening on the H3 bus, a young woman talks to her friend: 

“I love living in Tenleytown, but hate that I have to use McDonald’s as my main reference point.”

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September 15, 2017: Whatever floats your boat

Coming out of the CVS at 19th and Pennsylvania Avenue NW, two 20-something professional women are both carrying bags of Flamin’ Hot Cheetos:

Woman 1: “I already know these are going to give me heartburn, but I don’t care.”
Woman 2: “Why don’t you grab some tums beforehand?”
Woman 1: “I like to feel the burn, it makes me feel alive.”

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July 15, 2016: Tour de France humor

Two parents on a bench at the Rose Park tot lot as a dozen or so tourists struggle up the path on Bikeshare bikes:

“Oh, look, it’s the peloton from Le Tour de Bikeshare … and it looks like mom is about to go off the back.”