Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006. Check out the archives here.

We can’t have Overheard in D.C. without your submissions! Email your Overheards to overheard(at)dcist[dot]com and don’t forget to include who was talking, to whom, and in what context. 

You might notice we have fewer overheards than normal. We’re taking that as a sign that folks are staying home and socially distant—good job! But as a result, we are now taking submissions for eavesdropping on video conferencing calls and all of the other newfangled ways we’re staying in touch.

Overheard of the Week:

20-something woman talking on the phone at the 13th & H Street farmer’s market:

“I live on H Street, so I’m like literally five minutes from the city.”

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And to quote Fauci himself 

A roommate on Facetime with a friend, discussing plans for another friend’s bachelor party: 

Friend: “I dunno bro, that’s just a lot of fucking homies during COVID.”

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Hot gossip

Two 20-something women walking down the sidewalk in Bethesda:

Woman 1: “She’s at a bar.”
Woman 2, interjecting: “Eww”
Woman 1: “…in Arlington.”
Woman 2:  “EWW”

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She’s probably just not texting you

Three friends, sitting on a roof, venting their frustrations with dating people who work in defense:

Friend: “Is she not texting you because she’s working in a SCIF (secure compartmentalized information facility), or is she just not texting you?”
Later on, discussing how to get out of a bad date:
Friend: “Next time I want to ghost a guy, I’m just going to tell him that I’m going into a SCIF for six months.”

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July 29, 2016: Has this kid been reading DCist?

A little boy and his mother at Atlantic Plumbing Theater’s Life of Pets showing:

Four-year-old to mom: “You’re not lonely, you have three cats!”

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November 16, 2018: Let’s hope 

Three teens on the Metro:

Announcer: “This is a 7000-series train…”
Girl 1: “What does it mean, a ‘serious’ train?”
Girl 2 (deadpan): “Yeah, this train doesn’t play any games.”

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September 20, 2019: Dog park drama never ends

At Woodmont Park in Arlington, two dogs are sniffing butts. One is a little aggressive and their leashes are getting tangled, so the owners are trying to sort it out:

Woman 1: “Sorry! He’s kind of a humper—it’s embarrassing.”
Woman 2: “That’s OK, Spot likes it.”
Woman 1. “Huh…is that so?”