Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006. Check out the archives here.

We can’t have Overheard in D.C. without your submissions! Email your Overheards to overheard(at)dcist[dot]com and don’t forget to include who was talking, to whom, and in what context. 

You might notice we have fewer overheards than normal. We’re taking that as a sign that folks are staying home and socially distant—good job! But as a result, we are now taking submissions for eavesdropping on video conferencing calls and all of the other newfangled ways we’re staying in touch.

Overheard of the Week: 

A conversation between two friends: 

Friend 1: “Yeah, I’m really not feeling it with this guy from Hinge, but I don’t know how to break it to him.”
Friend 2: “Well, you’re going to South Carolina. Just use the 14-day quarantine as an excuse to never see him again. … Thanks, Bowser.”

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What if we kissed in the kombucha aisle? 

Spouse comes home from grocery shopping: 

“The new Whole Foods is so nice, I want to take you there on a date.”

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Perhaps we need a list of cursed Virginia places

19-year-old at the Capital Grille sitting with his friends: 

“I just wanna go to some weird place in Virginia.”

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One man’s trash…

Two guys bringing groceries into an apartment building on 24th and M:

Guy 1: “Hey, bro, let’s drink that good bottle of wine tonight. The $12.99 one.”

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Patience: A case study 

Three bros pull up in an expensive BMW (and double park) at Thomas Sweet. One gets out, and upset with the long line, approaches a woman mid-line:

Bro, waving his credit card: “Hey, will you take this and buy ice cream for me and my friends? And, oh, you can get something for yourself, too.”

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Only you can decide that

20-something woman talking to her friend at a rooftop pool in downtown D.C.: 

“Is it bad that I can tell what type of seltzer someone has from the back of the can? Like where the ingredients list is. Have I gone too far?”

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You’re a little far away, pal

A man who looks to be in his 90s stands at an Alexandria bus stop, talking into his cell phone:

“Hey, Siri? What’s a jitney in New Jersey?”

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What’s in a name? 

Late 20-something friends, describing Little Coco’s Thursday night bottomless pasta deal: 

Friend 1: “It’s literally like bottomless brunch but in the evening!”
Friend 2: “I think that’s called dinner.”

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As always, we rely on you to overhear the good stuff and send it our way. Make sure to tell us who was speaking to whom and in what context.