Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006. Check out the archives here.

We can’t have Overheard in D.C. without your submissions! Email your Overheards to overheard(at)dcist[dot]com and don’t forget to include who was talking, to whom, and in what context.

You might notice we have fewer overheards than normal. We’re taking that as a sign that folks are staying home and socially distant—good job! But as a result, we are now taking submissions for eavesdropping on video conferencing calls and all of the other newfangled ways we’re staying in touch.

Overheard of the Week 

One coworker slacking another coworker while on a Zoom call:

“These calls are all about perception. The rest of the people here need to think you have your shit together. But as long as you’re all business up top, no one cares if you’re not wearing pants.”

—

It’s not brain surgery 

Overheard in a living room: 

Her: “You have a degree in medicine.”
Him: “A doctorate in medicine. I’m a medical doctor.”
Her: “Even better. You’re a doctor. I’m not explaining Instagram to you, figure that shit out.”

—

Nice try 

A young couple orders a shared tiki drink at Archipelago:

Man: “We’ll have the Pineapple of Hospitality.”
Server: “Great choice. You’re also required to order food.”
Woman: “Does the pineapple count?”

—

September 27, 2019: The power of a mother’s love 

Two middle-aged tourists are discussing one of their teenage daughters while sitting in Lafayette Square:

Woman 1: “Well, she’s a teenager! That’s what they do, sleep all the time.”
Woman 2: “Ugh, she’s such a b*tch. I love her, she’s just like me.”

—

October 11, 2019: Stoners, or just getting into fermenting? 

Two men in their late 20s/early 30s are leaving an apartment in Montgomery County:

Guy 1: “But like, how do you stop the pickling process when something has started pickling?”
Guy 2: “I don’t know, man. This isn’t something I can weigh in on.”

—

August 24, 2018: Yes, everyone knows those types

At Saint Martin’s salon in Mt. Pleasant: 

Man getting his hair cut to his stylist: “I’m not one of those paleontologists who has to go out and dig on the weekends.”

—

July 21, 2017: Yay, work!

At a business meeting:

Female worker to her (male) manager: “Wha … what are you doing? That’s not candy, that’s a tampon!”