Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006. Check out the archives here.

We can’t have Overheard in D.C. without your submissions! Email your Overheards to overheard(at)dcist[dot]com and don’t forget to include who was talking, to whom, and in what context. 

You might notice we have fewer overheards than normal. We’re taking that as a sign that folks are staying home and socially distant—good job! But as a result, we are now taking submissions for eavesdropping on video conferencing calls and all of the other newfangled ways we’re staying in touch.

Overheard of the Week: 

At a winery in Maryland off River Road, a group of women are talking about their moms over wine

One woman: “I would love to take edibles with your mom.”

—

Kids these days

A sixth grader is working on a formatting assignment for English class. His mom looks at the screen and sees it’s the lyrics to “Summertime” by Will Smith

Mom: “It’s ‘Summertime’ by Will Smith?
Sixth grader: “Yeah, whoever that is.”

—

You’re a few months late

Two mid-20s bros are outside an apartment on 20th and Q Street on a Sunday morning 

Bro 1: “I heard the Dupont Farmers Market just reopened”
Bro 2: “Oh, awesome, better check that out immediately.”

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Failed the vibe check  

A woman is describing a first date at a new coffee shop in Shaw

“I got this vibe he was too into Don Quixote.”

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And you can’t stop him! 

A group of older gentlemen are enjoying the corner bar at Jefferson and 7th NW

One man: “I told you, I don’t want to go to Barbados. I’m going to Alaska.”

—

Irony

One young professional woman is talking to another at the new Whole Foods on Florida Ave. NW

“You would think by now my boss would have figured it out, but yesterday he set up a Teams meeting solely so he could share his screen for me to show him how to print to PDF. All the while ranting about how lazy millennials are.”

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Oct. 18, 2019: No child, it is not. 

A mom and two kids are stepping off the escalator at the Capitol South Metro:

10-year-old boy: “Is this New York City?”

—

Sept 14., 2018: Modern romance

Two men are waiting for spin class at Vida U Street: 

Guy 1: “I was pleasantly surprised when he slid into my DMs last night after running into him at Trade!”
Guy 2: “Slid into your DMs? I can’t believe you did that on a first date. I hope he at least wore a—”
Guy 1: “A DM is direct message!! He DMed me through Instagram!”