Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006. Check out the archives here.

We can’t have Overheard in D.C. without your submissions! Email your Overheards to overheard(at)dcist[dot]com and don’t forget to include who was talking, to whom, and in what context. 

You might notice we have fewer overheards than normal. We’re taking that as a sign that folks are staying home and socially distant — good job! But as a result, we are now taking submissions for eavesdropping on video conferencing calls and all of the other newfangled ways we’re staying in touch.

Overheard of the Week:

Overheard in the lobby of the Tenleytown Target: 

Target Employee, walking by: “I like your new shirt!”
Customer, wearing a shirt that reads “Not today Satan”: “The gates of hell shall not prevail!”

—

Weird flex 

Seen on a work messaging board discussing COVID-19:

“I know there’s been a lot of focus on mortality. I’ve been dead inside for years, so that doesn’t bother me.”

—

Red flag

A late-20s man and woman on one of their first dates at Dacha Beer Garden. The man has brought his two year old Boston terrier in an elf costume:

Woman: “Do you get separation anxiety from him?”
Man: “Uh yeah — sometimes.”
(When the man went to the bathroom, the dog started barking after staying silent all night — it too had separation anxiety.)

—

Except when it’s actually a triangle 

Two girls are walking through Thomas Circle after taking a selfie. One is obviously showing the other around:

One girl: “So this is a circle. A fun fact about Washington D.C. is that there are many circles just like this one.”
Other girl: “Omg I love circles! Such a good shape.”

—

There’s an interesting story behind that!

A young well dressed man is talking to his husband at the new Eisenhower Memorial: 

“They should never let an architect design a memorial.”

—

Nov 4. 2016: Halloween BOGO

A woman with two vibrating Durex rings and a bag of Halloween candy is checking out at CVS: 

CVS cashier: “You know those are buy one, get one free.”
Woman says happily: “I know, that’s why I bought two!”
CVS cashier: “Uhhhh, I was talking about the Halloween candy.”
Woman: “Oh right, ok, I’ll get two of those too!”

—

Oct. 20, 2017: Not quite

A 7-year-old boy climbing on the face of The Awakening statue at the National Harbor, talking to his friends around the same age:

“I just figured out who this is — it’s Donald Trump!”

—

Nov. 8, 2019: Examining the concept of D.C.-hot 

Two women are sitting in the H Street NE Whole Foods eating area, discussing dating:

One woman: “He had a good job but there wasn’t much else there. He was D.C.-hot. Do you know what I mean?”

—

As always, we rely on you to overhear the good stuff and send it our way. Make sure to tell us who was speaking to whom and in what context.