Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006. Check out the archives here.

We can’t have Overheard in D.C. without your submissions! Email your Overheards to overheard(at)dcist[dot]com and don’t forget to include who was talking, to whom, and in what context. 

Overheard of the Week:

A man is talking on the phone about the election in Van Ness: 

“It was drawn out, ya know? It was like an orgasm that wouldn’t happen.”

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This joke will never die

One 30-something man to another at Saturday’s impromptu Biden-Harris celebration in Black Lives Matter Plaza: 

“Infrastructure week starts Monday!”

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Musk 2024?

A man in his 70s is in downtown Silver Spring after learning Biden won in Pennsylvania: 

“What we really need is an android president. One that we can program so it will know history.”

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Spoke too soon

A small group in Trump gear is in the middle of downtown celebrations after Biden’s win: 

One woman: “I’m really surprised there aren’t more Trump supporters out right now.”

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A just cause for celebration 

People are cheering and honking outside of the 17th Street Safeway as news of Biden’s win breaks:

One older man to another: “And how about those meats? Four for $20!”

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No 

Overheard walking to the Pentagon: 

“So Melania is probably gonna be single soon, right, so I should probably up my bumble age to 50.”

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Yes 

Two dudes with pizza are walking past the sidewalk seating at the Columbia Heights Redrocks, less than an hour after the race was called for Biden: 

Dude #1: “I heard Trump’s gonna run again in 2024”
Dude #2: “Nah man, he’ll be way too old”
Dude #1: “I mean, didn’t we just elect Joe Biden?”

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Important reminder

A couple is leaving Black Lives Matter Plaza during the Biden victory celebration:

Man: “Biden won. The pandemic is over!”
Woman: “Biden is not the vaccine!”

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Overheard in a GOP Senate office

A mother (mid 30s) and daughter (8-ish) are at a New Orleans airport flying back to D.C., discussing what they will see upon their arrival to the city: 

Daughter: “Mom, will we get to see where all the normal people live?”
Mom: “What normal people, sweetie?”
Daughter: “You know! Like all the people who live there. Will we see their houses too?”
Mom: “Oh, sweetie… nobody actually lives *IN* DC. That’s fake movie things. Everyone lives outside and then goes in there for work.”

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Is that the same place? 

A father is speaking to his young daughters as they walk through jubilant crowds outside the White House on Saturday: 

“It’s time to find the champagne and ice cream shop to celebrate!”

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Time to edit your LinkedIn 

Overheard someone on the phone: 

“I mean, people can’t hold it against us just because we were in the administration, right? This is going to be so unfair.”

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One person’s pain is another’s pleasure

A woman is talking to her friends near the Woodley Park metro on Friday, shortly after the election was called for Biden and Harris: 

“It’s just an amazing feeling to live through someone else’s worst day.”

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Sticking to tradition

Overheard at a very crowded Cairo Liquors on Saturday after Biden was named President-elect:

Customer standing in line: “Why is it so crowded in here? Did something happen today?”
Another Customer in line: “No, I always drink two bottles of champagne on Saturday afternoons.”

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What was in her juice box? 

A woman is on the phone at the Georgetown waterfront on the Sunday after Biden’s victory was called: 

“You’re hungover from a 6-year-old’s birthday party?!?”

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Thinking ahead

A woman in a car to her friend shortly after news broke about Biden’s win in Dupont Circle: 

“Next up: Madam President.”

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Congrats! 

A wedding party enters Annie’s Paramount, and the restaurant erupts in cheers for the couple: 

A passing pedestrian: “Did they call it (the election)?”

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The naivete of youth 

A 9-ish-year-old boy and his mother are walking out of Union Market: 

Boy, commenting about the rain easing up: “At least it’s gotten better out.”
Mom: “Yeah, it has.”
Boy: “Imagine saying it’s gotten better, and then it immediately gets worse.”

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Huge if true

Overheard going through the checkpoint for the American concourse at the National Airport:

TSA Agent #1: “You eat too much broccoli”
TSA Agent #2: “I have to eat my vegetables”
TSA Agent #1: “Broccoli’s not a vegetable though. Dr. Saber says broccoli isn’t real.”

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