Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006. Check out the archives here.

You might notice we have fewer overheards than normal. We’re taking that as a sign that folks are staying home and socially distant — good job! But as a result, we are now taking submissions for eavesdropping on video conferencing calls and all of the other newfangled ways we’re staying in touch.

We can’t have Overheard in D.C. without your submissions! Email your Overheards to overheard(at)dcist[dot]com and don’t forget to include who was talking, to whom, and in what context. 

Overheard of the Week:

A father is walking with his elementary-school-age son one morning in Brookland: 

Dad: “When we get home, you’re going to have to do your work. Now that Daddy is the teacher, things are a little different. You have to do what I say.”
Son: “You are not a teacher and I am not your student.”

—

But aren’t you getting tacos?

A 30-something man and woman, maybe a couple, are waiting for tacos at El Chucho:

Woman: “…not really. Like, I’m going to want a nice aioli on my burger, you know?”

—

There’s something kind of poetic about this

On Thanksgiving afternoon at a dog park, a young girl is talking to another about a dog running toward them.

“She’s reputationally muddy.”

—

We all measure perfection differently 

Two women in their early 30s or late 20s are sitting outside Colada on 14th street on the patio the day after Thanksgiving: 

“She’s fucking perfect. She’s vegan and in a long-term relationship. I’ll show you a picture of her.”

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Dec. 6, 2019: I feel like there are better ways to ask this question

A man and woman in their 30-40’s are walking out of Slipstream at 10 a.m.

Man: “How do you not know? Was your mother’s vagina Jewish?”

—

Jan.13, 2017: Unpresidented?

Two fifth graders are tinkering over essays at an elementary school in Northwest:

One the other: “So my mom told the president I was going to be in the spelling bee.”

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Jan. 4, 2019: Location checks out

One 20-something bro to another at Palm Beach Tan in Clarendon: 

“Dude, that’s been all over my memes.”