Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006. Check out the archives here.

We can’t have Overheard in D.C. without your submissions! Email your Overheards to overheard(at)dcist[dot]com and don’t forget to include who was talking, to whom, and in what context. 

You might notice we have fewer overheards than normal. We’re taking that as a sign that folks are staying home and socially distant — good job! But as a result, we are now taking submissions for eavesdropping on video conferencing calls and all of the other newfangled ways we’re staying in touch.

Overheard of the Week: 

A 20-something woman in snakeskin pants is talking to friend outside District Winery: 

“I throw up once a year, and it’s violent, and it happened last week.”

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Is there a vaccine to cure…whatever else is going here?

A bunch of bros are drinking beer and talking about what they would do for a vaccine in Logan Circle: 

Bro 1: “I was watching the news coverage of the vaccine shipments and I would totally put together a crew Fast and the Furious style to steal some vaccines for me and make a small profit while I’m at it.”
Bro 2: “I would go down on a 70-year-old woman.”
Bro 3: “I would go down on an 80-year-old man.”

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We’ve all been there

A mid-20s woman is sitting outside of Ellé in Mount Pleasant, talking to a mid-20s man: 

“What did my mom call it…? That’s right, rock bottom. Rock bottom was the phrase she used.”

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Merry Christmas! 

Overheard picking up a Christmas tree:

Customer: “Which one is going to die?”
Store worker: “Well, they’re all going to die.”

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Counterpoint: lumbersexuals 

Overheard in Bethesda on the Capital Crescent Trail: 

An older man with a salt-and-pepper beard (and zero plaid): “OK, I’m just gonna come out and say it. Guys that wear plaid are mostly just guys who can’t wear a beard. That’s just how I see it.”

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Who’s to say? 

Two people dining during a date at an Italian restaurant in D.C.: 

Person 1: “Do you like rice balls?”
Person: “Is that a dish or a technique?”

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It’s all semantics  

A man and woman, both in their late 20’s or early 30’s, are chatting in Kalorama Park: 

Woman: “He’s a plant scientist.”
Man: “A what?”
Woman: “A plant scientist!”
Man: “…you mean a botanist?”

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Thoughts during D.C.’s dino takeover

A woman is walking on the bike path along the Anacostia River near RFK Stadium. A man jogs past her, then turns around, continuing to jog in place: 

Man: “Were sharks and dinosaurs alive at the same time?”
Woman: “….. I think so??”
*Man turns and jogs away.*

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To you, maybe 

Overheard during a socially distant driveway happy hour in Arlington: 

“I don’t know, that seems like a lot to pay for Amish dairy!”

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