Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006. Check out the archives here.

We can’t have Overheard in D.C. without your submissions! Email your Overheards to overheard(at)dcist[dot]com and don’t forget to include who was talking, to whom, and in what context. 

You might notice we have fewer overheards than normal. We’re taking that as a sign that folks are staying home and socially distant — good job! But as a result, we are now taking submissions for eavesdropping on video conferencing calls and all of the other newfangled ways we’re staying in touch.

Overheard of the Week:

A woman asks a grocery store clerk for directions in Old Town:

Clerk: “Yeah if you just pull around the corner, it’s right there and they’ll help.”
Woman: “I’m not from Old Town. I don’t know what corners mean.”

—

For the low price of $2.99, it could be yours!

Two women 20-somethings looking for finds in Unique in Merrifield:

Woman 1, showing ugly shirt: “I don’t know why, and I shouldn’t, but I kind of like this top.”
Woman 2: “Yeah…”

—

Happy birthday to that dog 

Text from wife to husband in Alexandria:

“Hey, if you’re watching the coup from the couch, can you please watch it while mixing the frosting together for the dog’s birthday cake?”

—

Does he have something against cold cuts?

On the green line near Gallery Place, two twenty-something women talking to each other:

Woman: “Yeah, I don’t know. I mean, he just doesn’t seem like a sandwich guy, you know?”

—

… We’ll take 12. 

—

It’s 2021. Analog is in. 

On the beach at Mason Neck State Park, a man takes a picture of two women on a Polaroid camera and hands it back to them:

“You know you need to shake it, right? Just like my daughter, she just got a record player. We’re going completely backwards.”

—
You know you don’t have to read your coffee table books, right?

A woman is talking about furnishing her new apartment during a virtual book club:

“And now that I have a coffee table, I decided to get my first coffee table book” *holds up bound copy of Mueller Report* “I’m really excited to read it.”

—

Big security issue in Northwest. Stay alert.

In a neighborhood group chat:

“Has anyone living in Barnaby Woods seen a 5-7” blue drone? Last seen headed east …”

—

Ew, dude.

Three female physical therapists are chatting in a Dupont Circle clinic.

Male patient: “You know what my least favorite thing in the world to listen to is? Three women talking at the same time.”
A fourth female therapist, from across the clinic: “You know what my least favorite thing in the world to listen to is? Misogyny.”

—

Not quite!

A grandmother and her 7 year-old granddaughter peer down Pennsylvania Avenue at the Capitol:

Grandmother: “Do you recognize that building?”
Granddaughter: “I’ve seen that on TV!  Is that a church?”