Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006. Check out the archives here.

We can’t have Overheard in D.C. without your submissions! Email your Overheards to overheard(at)dcist[dot]com and don’t forget to include who was talking, to whom, and in what context. 

You might notice we have fewer overheards than normal. We’re taking that as a sign that folks are staying home and socially distant — good job! But as a result, we are now taking submissions for eavesdropping on video conferencing calls and all of the other newfangled ways we’re staying in touch.

Overheard of the Week: 

A group of 20-somethings are exchanging stories about weddings on a brewery patio. One young man mentions helping out a very inebriated wedding guest: 

Young man: “She bit the cop. That’s when they flipped her.”

—

As Jesus would say: Ball is life!

Two 30-something bros are on a run through Georgetown, and stop to look at March Madness on the TV’s at Nick’s Riverside:

One guy, while very out of breath: “Stupid fucking Christian school!!!”
*They immediately run off.*

—

Starting out strong 

A man and woman, seemingly on a first date, are walking in Malcolm X Park looking for a place to sit in the grass: 

Woman: “I need to make sure you’re not an asshole, you know?”

—

Starting out stronger

A couple, definitely on a first date, are at Queen’s English (he’s French and she’s from California): 

“I’m super American – I haven’t read the book but I’ve seen the movie…actually I haven’t seen the movie, but white people in America love The Wire.”

—

Playing the world’s smallest violin, etc. 

A group of 30-somethings, in line at the Guinness Brewery in Maryland, are discussing their vaccination status. 

Man: “Have you gotten the vaccine yet?”
Woman: “No. Work said financial services is phase 2B, but when I checked it’s only, like, tellers and branch staff.”
Man 2: “Sucks to work on Wall Street.”

—

April 17, 2020: Annoyed in the “office” 

Overheard in an internal office chat

Coworker 1: “Anybody else feeling unnaturally irritated by the word ‘unprecedented’ these days?”
Coworker 2: “Everything annoys me now. Words, sounds, the mere existence of certain household objects.”

—

May 10, 2019: Now explain Foggy Bottom

An older woman with a heavy Long Island accent and two tween girls are sitting together on a Red line train. The girls question the names of metro stops: 

Woman: “Every stop gets its name from something important there. At Fort Totten, there’s the fort. Totten. At Judiciary Square, there’s the Supreme Court. Or something like that. I don’t know.”

—