Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006. Check out the archives here.

We can’t have Overheard in D.C. without your submissions! Email your Overheards to overheard(at)dcist[dot]com and don’t forget to include who was talking, to whom, and in what context. 

You might notice we have fewer overheards than normal. We’re taking that as a sign that folks are staying home and socially distant — good job! But as a result, we are now taking submissions for eavesdropping on video conferencing calls and all of the other newfangled ways we’re staying in touch.

Overheard of the Week: 

A woman in her 20s videochatting in front of the Safeway on 17th and Corcoran:

“This is the haunted Safeway I was telling you about.”

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You can hit the beach and have your cookies, too

Two 30s something women are walking around Georgetown:

Woman 1: “How long do you think the Levain Bakery line is?”
Woman 2: “I thought you wanted to eat healthy for your beach trip?”
Woman 1: “I downloaded that body editor app that the Kardashians use so now I don’t care as much.”
Woman 2: “That’s so smart.”

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Things dads love to say

A dad, to a group of kids running around outside, and their parents on South Carolina Ave. in Capitol Hill:

“Everyone’s sleeping good tonight!”

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Somebody’s got a big green thumb over here

Two friends are shopping at a garden center passing the perennial section:
“Yeah, I had one of these and it died last year … but it’s coming back.”

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Pleaaaase dump him

A couple is on a date at Wonderland Ballroom:

Man: “You’re allowed to be racist in Europe, it’s the World Cup.”
Woman: “What’s the World Cup?”

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Geopolitical scholars over here

Two friends walking in Adams Morgan:

Friend 1: “Ohhh Lost City books! That’s where I bought a book about extremism!”
Friend 2: “What kind of extremism?”
Friend 1: “You know, like … extremism!”

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Scrapple is a part of a healthy, balanced breakfast

Two middle-aged couples at Eastern Market. One couple is being shown the market by the other and they are examining the meats.

Woman 1: “So what’s scrapple?”
Woman 2: “Oh, my grandparents used to make it on Sundays! It is like a breakfast pâté but you fry it and it is great with eggs.”
Husband of Woman 2: “Pâté! It is the stuff they’re not allowed to put in spam and it’s grey.”

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*sick emoji face*

A woman answering her phone at a COVID testing site:

“Hello? I’m spitting into a tube.”

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Bus haters

A young man and woman are walking in Mt. Pleasant on Saturday evening. A bus appears at the crosswalk:

Man: “Man, I’m going to die from one of the D.C. buses.”
Woman: “I know as good lefties our politics say we should love buses. But my bad opinion is the D.C. buses are terrible.”

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As always, we rely on you to overheard the good stuff and send it our way. Make sure to tell us who was speaking to whom and in what context.